I’m out of the office training a newbie in another branch this week, so it’s another “this, that, and the other” post. My apologies…

~ I love me some LOST, but they totally need to get the cast out of this 1977 era bullshit as it seems to be putting dirty hippie Sawyer front and center. The only time that filthy pig needs to be front and center is when there is a firehose and bucket of soap.

~ I took a “What GOSSIP GIRL character are you?” quiz on Facebook and the results were most delightful:

~ What the fuck was up with that creepy fucking interpretation of “Ring of Fire” by Chris Lambert on AMERICAN IDOL Tuesday night? I thought for a minute I had been slipped a roofie, sold into white slavery, and was being raped by an Arabic trick but then I realized it was just the leftover mandarin chicken and the overblown theatrics repeating on me.

~ Speaking of AMERICAN IDOL, how awesome was Kelly Clarkson last week?

~ Chrissy’s comment on yesterday’s post (“Sounds like good gifts. But I truly wonder every time I read your blog now if you guys actually talk to each other. I mean, jeesh, what’s wrong with saying “hey what are we doing for anniversary?” Or “hey sucka, what are you getting me?” It seems like you always walk on eggshells and are just surface partners.”) got me thinking. And worrying. And obsessing. Oy.

~ I had my taxes done on Monday and it looks as though I owe the government about five grand  – nearly one third of what I sold it for! — thanks to selling some stock to pay off my car. What a fucking crock of shit.  Fuck the stock market. It’s amazing how a law abiding citizen with a job can take it up the ass without lube but folks who pump out kids they can’t support will get a fucking tax break and a goddamn stimulus check twice what I’ll see (and Link and free medical). 

~ Do you ever have days where you feel like masturbating every hour on the hour? Um, me either…

Have a great day, everybody!

How awesome was LOST last night?

Wicked awesome! (Of course with Brian K. Vaughn writing the episode was there any doubt? Me thinks not…)

Of course, the big twist occurred during the show’s final minutes when uber hunky Jin (He’s alive! Told you so, Tristan!) was rescued by a group of stranded Frogs including none other than a much younger (and alive) Danielle Rousseau. I totally called both twists before their seperate reveals, but still — wicked awesome!

And amidst all the other awesomeness (like Kate’s hair — how fucking gorgeous was she last night? I mean seriously — she is one red hot smokin’ babe!) there was that perpetual rock of awesome hotness, Matthew Fox:

Now, I know there may be some of you out there saying “Dirk — you’ve run that pic twice before!” and to that I reply, “Yeah…because he’s so fucking hawt, y’all!”

But because I believe in keeping it fresh, I’m also going to run the pic from back in the (PARTY OF FIVE) day that totally cemented my ginormous crush on Mr Fox :

Butter my ass and call it a biscuit — could that man be any more adorable or oh-so fuckable? I don’t think so.

Sigh.

Last night’s LOST.

Wow.

If you aren’t watching this show, I’m sorry — you’re missing some really Grade A quality shit. I don’t care what anyone says, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse have got this shit planned out to the smallest detail and it’s paying off big time.

As with any Desmond/Penny-centric episode, this one was among the best in the show’s run. I’m a sucker for time travel shit and last night’s episode had a wealth of twists and turns to try and wrap your brain around…

~ So Charles Widmore was on the island in the 1950s and met Daniel Faraday which introduced him to the concept of time travel and led him to find Faraday decades later and fund his research? Or is there something more involved going on here such as…

~ Daniel recognized Ellie the young woman holding a gun on him in the past. Ellie was British and about the same age as Charles Widmore so I’m guessing she is a young Eloise Hawking and that she  and Charles did a lil somethin-somethin resulting in Daniel (and possibly Penny). Of course, that would mean the children were born off the island and Charles and Eloise went their seperate ways with a child a piece…

~ On last season’s finale, Charlotte told Faraday that she wasn’t leaving the island because she was still looking for where she was born. I’m thinking the real question isn’t where she was born but when she was born.

~ Theresa’s sister tells Desmond that Faraday abandoned her sister when her brain started jumping through time and Widmore stepped in to take care of her. I’m guessing that Widmore actually stepped up to help his son and that Daniel didn’t disappear — he is travelling through time to help Theresa find her constant. (Could that constant be her grandmother Ellie?)

~ Speaking of Theresa, Charlotte has wavy hair much like Theresa and Daniel said he loves her (but that statement seemed devoid of any sexual connotation)  so I’m thinking that Charlotte is Daniel’s daughter. Charlotte is the feminine form of Charles so maybe Daniel named her after his own father…

~ Daniel’s rat was named Eloise — was that name chosen because his mother is a traitor (a rat?) and Widmore is actually the good guy?

~ When the LOST-ies first find the hatch in Season 1, Sayid says he’s never seen that much concrete poured except over a nuke. Maybe the real reason Desmond had to keep punching the button was to keep the nuke from going off and when he turned the failsafe key, he moved the island just in time to avoid the nuclear blast (hence the white light and purple sky)? And I’m guessing that the series finale is going to involve a very explosive endgame between Ben, Charles, and ol’ Jughead (and an unstable volcano which we got a hint of in the Ben-centric flashback last season).

~ The most potentially brain exploding theory I have though is about Desmond and Penny’s son Charlie. Anybody else thinking that the adorable tot is going to wind up on the island with his parents where he’ll be caught in the time leaps and actually grow up there to become Charles Widmore? As for Penny and Desmond, I’m guessing they will be revealed to be “Adam and Eve”, the two skeletons found in the cave in Season 1 (Richard Alpert kills them and takes their son who he thinks he is the chosen leader which would explain why Charles referred to the island as “his.”). Jack said the remains were over 50 years old, which would track about right.

 Opinions? Theories? I know you’ve got them…

The return of the goddamn gout has left me damn near unable to concentrate for long periods of time, so once again I’m serving up odds and ends, folks.  Sorry.

~ The 5th season premiere of LOST did not disappoint and like every other viewer, I have some new theories based on the latest clues the geniuses behind the show served up:

• Miles Straum will be revealed to be the infant son of Dr. Marvin Candle that we saw in the opening minutes of the show (Candle sent his son with time traveler Daniel Faraday to protect him from an imminent danger he knew was coming).
• The Black Rock slave ship that was found in the middle of the jungle in the first season got there when the island moved and materialized in the exact spot the ship was occupying at the time.
• The whispering voices that the various LOST-ies have been hearing for the last 4 seasons are actually themselves as the island travels up and down the “time string” that Faraday explained.  
• I would bet money that Sun is behind the men showing up at Kate’s front door asking for a blood test. Methinks she’s going all badass to avenge the people she holds responsible for Jin’s death (I found her “I don’t blame you, Kate…how’s Jack?” line to ring more than a bit creepy…)
• Is anyone else thinking that maybe Locke isn’t really dead at all, but simply exhibiting the symptoms of death thanks to bite from the Medusa spider? If he is the island’s constant then I can’t imagine anyone letting him take his own life on the chance he might return.

~ No best picture nomination for THE DARK KNIGHT? Wow. That has to sting when a Ron Howard movie gets a nod and you don’t. Likewise for getting snubbed in the Best Screenplay category when even hack Akiva Goldsman (A TIME TO KILL, BATMAN FOREVER, BATMAN AND ROBIN, LOST IN SPACE, PRACTICAL MAGIC, THE DaVINCI CODE)  has taken home a trophy.

~ Speaking of Awards shows — what the fuck was up at the Golden Globes? While I love both 30 ROCK and MAD MEN, where was the love for my beloved GOSSIP GIRL and Blair Waldorf’s awesome headbands? And did you catch Blake Lively (a.k.a. Serena van der Woodsen) and her dad on the red carpet? Well played, Ms. Lively.

~ How in the fuck do you put one of those little YouTube boxes on your blog that shows the little clips? Dirkie reallllllly wants to insert one of those but so far has found himself unable to do so. It’s so frustrating to be a special needs blogger.

~ The Fella’s birthday is a coming up and I want to get him one of those iPod recharger stations that is also a speaker thing so he can listen to his tunes while charging or without headphones or whatever people do with an iPod and an iPod charger station. Can anyone recommend a good one?

~ Anyone out there read any good books lately?

~ I don’t want to sound close-minded, but anyone who’s buying into Casey Anthony’s claims she didn’t murder her own child in cold blood is, well, kind of a fucking idiot.

~ I really need to update that damn blogroll. So many on there have either quit blogging or have changed their blog addresses. 

~ I know I’ve ran this pic before but lord almighty — Matthew Fox never ceases to get my cock dripping (and how badly do I want his hair?):

~ Only 41 days until THE WATCHMEN. Hooray!

~ If I have to see God and Michelle dance one more time while Sasha Fierce fucking ear rapes me with her pathetic attempt to sing “At Last” by the incomparable Etta James, I will throw up. 

~ SPOILER ALERT!! SPOILER ALERT!! Anyone catch last night’s GREY’S ANATOMY episode? You know, the one that the promos called “the episode everyone will be talking about tomorrow”? Puh-LEASE. They should’ve run a tag at the end of the episode stating that “No cliches were harmed during the filming of this episode.” A real twist would’ve been letting the kid die. Or actually giving George more than one line. Oh well, when TK Knight leaves, Shonda Rimes can bring back her beloved Isiah Washington.

~ Finally, are you dreaming of being linked on this piece of shit blog? Craving clarification on something I’ve said? Just want to ask a faggot WTF? You’re in luck — the first Mailbag Monday of 2009 will be February 2nd, so send your questions to dirk.mancuso@gmail.com and remember to include MAILBAG MONDAY in the subject line.

Have a great weekend everybody!

Even whilst on a mini-vay-cay, there is no shortage to the many musings wandering through a certain gay blogger’s mind.  Here are just a few…

~ I’m sporting wood that my beloved FARSCAPE will once again be continuing albeit in comic book form.  John Crighton, Aeryn, Chiana, Rygel, Scorpius — they’re all back!

~ ”When I say Hilshire, you say Farms. Hilshire!  Farms!  Go Meat!”  That shit floats through my fucking head at least 5 or 6 times a day.

~ Oh, Amanda Woodward…I really expected a much more fabulous mug shot. I mean, seriously — this is so Alison Parker.  You know, after her childhood sexual abuse was revealed and she turned to the bottle and eventually wound up in rehab where she hooked up with that NFL player with the sex addiction played by JAG.

~ I know I can’t be the only one who’s gonna be tuning in for 13: FEAR IS REAL on January 7th. Oh please, you know any show with a contestant sporting the tragically missspelled moniker Steffinnie is gonna get my attention.

~ Rumor has it that the first two episodes of Lost -Season 5 are rockin’ awesome.  So’s this pic of Mr Sexy Pants Mathew Fox:

Who would’ve thought he could be just as hawt minus the stubble? 

~ It’s amazing to me how quickly I’ve gotten used to the desktop computer after using Lappy for years. And the strangest thing of all is that I actually prefer the desktop.  I guess you really can teach an old dog new tricks after all.

~ No matter how many times I see those Chuck Norris lists, I can’t help but giggle.

Funny shit.

~ The goal this year is to lose that final 20 pounds and get down to my fighting weight.  Of course at my age, I should probably split the difference and aim for 10.

~ And finally, witness the majesty that greeted me upon a recent foray to the cinema:

How moist are my boxers at this very moment?  Try infinity squared.

Have a great day, everybody!

Despite my best efforts to resist the ravages of time, I have indeed turned 42 today (or 29-13 as I prefer to reference it when asked my age).

To pay proper respects to the vestiges of a wasted youth (and post youth), I have chosen to take the day off from work.

Lola has chosen today to let me know what a disappointment I am as a son and that she knows what I am doing with a man and how much she really doesn’t care what I do with my life.

The fella has chosen today to take the afternoon off at work so that we can see a movie, have dinner, and spend the evening together.

DuShawn has chosen today to continue waffling on the fella’s offer of a week ago to join us for dinner so that we can operate in a nifty limbo waiting for him to make up his mind.

On a happier note, how fuckin’ hard did LOST rock last night? The fella and I were all Kleenex and sobs when Sun saw Jin blow up on that freighter. (And yes, I have managed to reel back in a lapsed LOST-ie.)

Have a great weekend everybody!

Carly slipped me a couple of Reese’s Peanut Butter Bunnies mid morning so I am on a fucking sugar high the likes of which has not been seen since the epic “look at my tally wacker — I’m naked!” Cadbury Egg overdose of two thousand aught six. And with that visual parading through your head, I’m just going to throw out what’s on my mind:

~ I am so pissed at the BIG BROTHER houseguests after last night’s episode. They totally had the perfect chance to backdoor Matt and then blew the whole fucking deal. First of all, NEVER include too many people when you are plotting to backdoor someone. Second of all, they should’ve approached Ryan one hour to 45 minutes before the POV competition and made their “2 weeks free from nomination” offer. Third, why, why, WHY would you ever tell fucking Sheila or Natalie anything? Jesus Christ, people — telegraph, telephone, tell a psycho. Sweet mother of God — are they so bored they are eating the lead based paint off the walls to pass the time in there? (Personal aside to Joshuah — you are adorable and your eyebrows are driving me fucking crazy. Now please lose that second “h” and call me when you get home.) Oh yeah, and did I mention how much I loathe “Matty”? ‘Cause I do.

~ What the fuck is Direct TV thinking with those retarded commercials featuring comedian (and I use the word VERY loosely) Frank Caliendo? If they were thinking “let’s hire a guy with no appeal to actually make our product as unappealing as possible” then I suppose it’s mission accomplished, guys.

~ LOST. Theories anyone? Tomorrow night we learn the identities of the final 2 Oceanic 6 and it’s pretty obvious it will be Sun and Jin. Think about it — what do Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun, and Jin all have in common? None of them were on the beach when the Hatch exploded at the end of season 2. Jack, Kate, and Hurley were prisoners of the Others and Sayid, Sun, and Jin were sailing around the island and looking at the big ass 4-toed statues. On other fronts, the whole “Juliet is Ben’s because she looks like her” thing seems pretty obvious to me — Juliet is a ringer for Annie, the childhood friend who carved him those figures in the Ben-centric last year. And now we know for sure that Penny’s dad is the one who sent the freighter (most likely after figuring the location of the island from the journal of the Black Rock crew member he bid on at auction). If you’ve stuck with the show this long, you’re starting to get the payoffs the producers promised and it’s been worth the wait. I do however, have to say that Ben’s man on the freighter is going to be HUGELY anti-climactic when it’s revealed to be Michael (seriously, if you want to surprise us, don’t list Harold Perrineau in the opening credits every fucking week since the premiere and then expect big gasps when he appears).

~ Is it wrong to think Elliot Spitzer is kind of hot in a sleazy “spank me, smack me, use me like a 3 dollar whore” sort of way? ‘Cause I kind of think he is…

~ Yesterday’s voting leaves me a tad bit unclear as to how the majority of my readership feels. Of course, I sifted through what was said and what was really meant and I discerned that many of you felt going to his house would be an unwise choice. Which I communicated to him via phone just a short while ago. He, however, disagrees and would like the time to change my mind via phone this evening. I shall update you nervous Nellies tomorrow. Or Friday. Monday at the latest.

That’s all I got today, kids. Take care and stay safe!

I’m having one of those days where focusing is damn near impossible, so it’s time for random stuff not really worthy of full posts. Let’s dig in…

~ BLIND ITEM: Guess who called a certain gay blogger this morning? And guess who was all distant once he heard his voice, because suddenly he wasn’t sure he wanted to invest anymore time in a flaky coffee guy? And guess who was more talkative than he’d ever been before, all making with the jokes and giggling and suggesting breakfast Sunday? And guess who was all “we’ll see.” And guess who was all “well, call me — I’ll be around”? And guess who was all “take care”? Go ahead, guess…

~ Why the fuck am I not in that BIG BROTHER house this season? Seriously — someone answer me this. First, I would’ve been a great match for Joshuah (he of the tragic second “h”). Second, if ever there was a house full of crazy ass bitches needing my special brand of love, it’s this one. Sweet Jesus, it’s like a smorgasboard of whack jobs in there. And may I just congratulate everyone for fucking themselves over supremely last night by NOT evicting Matt and Natalie? Way to go guys — this game is about seizing opportunity when it presents itself and you had a perfect chance to eliminate two strong players. Dumbasses, one and all. But I do have to admit to having a wicked mad crush on Ryan. Sweet Christmas, how cute is he?

~ Now I totally called the ending to last week’s LOST a while back (tell them Zac — I totally hypothesized that the “he” Kate referred to be would be Aaron!) but what I am having a hard time figuring out is this: I am under the assumption that Kate is passing Aaron off as her biological child, sooooooo if we assume she spends roughly 6 months getting rescued, how does she pass off a 6 month baby as hers? Since she was being escorted back to the states to stand trial for murder, her obvious physical condition would’ve been in any police reports. My best guess is that by the time they get off the island a lot more than 6 months has passed in our world (which is somehow tied into the 31 minute time discrepency).

~ Special note to Tyb: to the best of my recollection, I have only featured photos of dog poop twice on this blog — here and here. The other pics were of human shit. Just wanted to clear that up.

~ I totally need to trim my beard and get my hair cut. I am teetering on the edge between “hippie” and “Ted Kaczynski.”

~ A friend — not Bruce — looked into why I was having so much trouble commenting on non-WordPress blogs and deduced that it had something to do with the firewall I installed after my hard drive went out last year. He is still messing with it, but already I am able to comment on many of my favorite blogs again (hi, Aaron!). As Mama M would say “Dirk, you could fuck up a wet dream.”

~ Mitch stopped my work station to deliver this lil gem: “What would you do if your smokehouse caught on fire? …I’d grab my meat and beat it.”

~ On Monday March 10th I’m bringing Mailbag Monday back for a test flight. If there’s a question you’re dying to ask an aging nancy boy (or if you have a blog and are just looking to get linked), type that shit up and send it to dirk.mancuso@gmail.com and include MAILBAG MONDAY in the subject line. Seeing as how I have no shame, there is no topic that is taboo and all questions will be answered. So what are you waiting for?

That’s all for today, kids.

I’ll be honest and say I’m not sure which side of the fence I fall on regarding last night’s season finale. This feels like a real “jump the shark” moment, just like that lame ass ALIAS – Season 2 finale when Sidney Bristow skipped 2 years of her life. I hate sloppy storytelling shit like that, but I’ll keep an open mind for the time being.

***WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

~ I’m guessing the identity of the casket’s occupant is Michael. I say this because they made a point of showing that the funeral home was in an African American neighborhood and because when Jack makes the call from his car, he says “I saw your…” Initially I thought he was calling Sarah to say he had seen her marriage announcement but looking back he was probably going to say “I saw your father’s obituary…” Also, when Jack asks Kate if she is going to the funeral, she says “why would I?” because Michael betrayed them so horribly.

~ Okay, anytime this show makes a point of showing a business name, you know there’s some sly little anagram hidden. Tonight the mortuary was Hoffs/Drawlar. Scramble it up and what do you get? Flash/Forward.

~ Jack’s suicide attempt is halted by a car wreck involving a woman and her son. Since everything and everyone is connected in the LOST universe, I would assume that it is either Claire and Aaron or Juliet’s sister Rachel and her son.

~ When Jack is called “a hero twice over” midway through the episode, it seems as though it is because he saved a mother and her son, but in retrospect, I’ll say it’s because of the rescue of the car wreck victims and the rescue of the survivors of Oceanic 815.

~ Did anybody catch Ben’s comment to Richard about going to the Temple? I think between the magic healing, non-aging, black smoke monster, weird ass statues and now a Temple, this might be the lost island of Atlantis.

~ They shot Big Tom. WTF? I was so looking forward to his big gay love scene with Ben when they were reunited.

~ Nice try shooting Walt’s scenes from overhead and from Locke’s point of view, but the kid still looks like he’s grown a couple of feet. Obviously this wasn’t the real Walt, so I am guessing it was the Black Smoke Monster. And if the BSM is Jacob, that would prove Ben’s last words to Locke to be very prophetic (“Well, I certainly hope he helps you, John”).

~ Mykhail — dude, how many fucking lives do you have anyway?

~ Speaking of the one-eyed Russian, mad props to you for killing Charlie.

~ I knew Naomi wasn’t working for Penelope. My theory is she was working for Penny’s father and the photo was so she could identify Desmond on sight and then kill him, therefore removing any chance of a Desmond/Penny reunion. This would make Naomi’s group “bad guys” and prove Ben right.

~ Nice job with killing an innocent woman, Locke. Something tells me per my feeling a few weeks ago that Locke and Danielle are going to hook up and remain on the island.

~ Jesus Christ, they could spend a fucking fortune on the Looking Glass underwater hatch sequence and they couldn’t get a fucking beard and moustache that look real for Jack? He looked like he raided the Others’ costume closet half the time.  Let’s work on that shit for future episodes, ‘kay guys?

~ Looks like Jack has gone more than a little nuts trying to find the island what with all the maps and charts cluttering up his place when he calls Kate.

~ Jack says he uses the golden passes given to them. Good thinking on the airlines part — hey, you almost died on one of our planes, now give us the chance to get it right.

~ Kate’s comment “he’s waiting for me” would suggest she is paired up with the Sawyer. Her appearance indicates she uses a lot of Mary Kay. And she drives a Volvo. WTF? Maybe the “he” is a child…

~ Jack’s comment to Kate “I’m tired of all the lying…” suggests some truly bad shit goes down on that island before they eventually get rescued (and would explain Jack’s addiction). And might they be lying as a condition of their rescue? If Penny’s father is behind Naomi’s group, he is powerful enough to extract a promise of silence from the Losties.

~ Finally, are we to assume that the first 3 seasons were our Losties on the island flashing back to events that led to their being stranded on the island and the final 3 seasons will be them back in the real world flashing to how they off the island? That would work well in a symmetrical sense, but unless they find a way to limit the present day stuff to just Jack and Kate, it will undercut any suspense as to who actually makes it off the island and who dies or chooses to stay.

All in all, a decent cliffhanger but one which threatens to kill my interest if this turns out to be some “alternate universe/one of a million possible outcomes” endings.

February 2008. huh? I hope ABC knows what it is doing leaving such a highly serialized show off the air for 8 months and expecting folks to pick up right where it left off. I personally think ratings will drop like a fucking lead balloon after that long a hiatus but we’ll see.