Are you dressing up this Halloween? If so, what is your costume?

And what’s your favorite scary movie?

Much thanks to my beloved Chelsea Handler — host of E!’s CHELSEA LATELY (11pm eastern/10pm central) and author of My Horizontal Life and Are You There, God? It’s Me, Chelsea — for bringing this delightful Halloween oddity to my attention:

Maybe I’m just a twisted fuck, but I don’t get what everybody is getting so bent out of shape about. What? a paraplegic can’t be a STAR WARS fan?

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*For a close-up view of the screen-cap click here.

What was your best costume ever?

“Wow! Look at all the amazing pics of readers’ jack o’lanterns,” the blogging faggot said, tongue firmly in cheek.

Ahem.

The more astute amongst you will ascertain that this is my way of saying that as of this post, I have not received a single fucking pumpkin pic. 

Sigh.

So I did the same thing that I did last year:  I went out, bought some gourds, smacked one down in front of DuShawn and informed him that he would be carving some rich pumpkiny goodness for me.

And he did.

Behold DuShawn’s Creature From the Black Lagoon:

And then there’s my kick-off of the season.  Originally conceived as the first in a trilogy of Spiderman pumpkins (Spidey and my beloved Gwen Stacy rounding out the threesome), this one proved to be such a mother fucking headache that I quickly scrubbed those plans.  Behold my less than stellar 2008 inaugural effort:

Feeling inspired? What are you waiting for? There’s still time to send in your pumpkin carving efforts!  The address hasn’t changed:  dirk.mancuso@gmail.com

I’m waiting…

Hey guys!  My ADD is kicking in big time today plus I’ve got a lot to do to get ready for an extended weekend getaway with The Fella, so it’s another hot, steaming bowl of random thoughts…

~ Is anyone else rooting for AMAZING RACE’s marriage in crisis couple Ken and Tina to hurry up and be eliminated? I am the last person to advocate infidelity, but God help me if I don’t see why Ken strayed. (And I’m guessing he secretly loved getting to don those tights and compete in that Mexican wrestling roadblock — it was probably the first time he’s been allowed to wear something approximating pants in years.)

~ Speaking of reality show contestants, is there currently anyone more full of himself or cringe inducing than TOP DESIGN’s Eddie, he of the “I work for Martha Stewart” mantra?  And when he called iconic potter and TOP DESIGN judge Jonathon Adler an elf — Oh. My. God.  Please let this train wreck make it to the finale.

~ Maybe it’s The Fella or maybe I’m just finally growing up (at 42), but I find myself drifting more and more away from the Disney Princess pillowcases and instead toward matching sheet sets.  (When it comes to the extra pillows, however, the superhero pillowcases are here to stay since The Fella is mad about them as well.)

~ I keep having these weird dreams where I go to the bank (and the bookstore and the comic shop and the movies) naked and totally try to pretend I’m not.  What the fuck is that all about anyway?

~ In the new issue of ITALIAN VANITY FAIR, Angelina Jolie is quoted as saying “When we first met I already had a child. We didn’t live together and we adopted Zahara. Usually people fall in love and and everything revolves around people getting married. Children are an afterthought.” I think what she really meant was “When we first met I already had a child…and HE WAS MARRIED” and “Children are an afterthought…LIKE GETTING DIVORCED FROM BELOVED NATIONAL TREASURE JENNIFER ANISTON BEFORE YOU GET A GIRLFRIEND.”

~ I’ve recommended it before, but I’m going to do so again:  If you haven’t read THE WATCHMEN, get off your lazy ass and obtain a copy.  There’s a reason TIME MAGAZINE listed it among its 100 best English-language novels from 1923 to the present, calling it “A work of ruthless psychological realism, it’s a landmark in the graphic novel medium. It would be a masterpiece in any.”

~ Once again, I am having trouble commenting on blogs that are not WordPress.  Especially those ones that use Atom or Haloscan or whatnot.  Suffice it to say this is pissing me off greatly.

~ AC/DC has a new album.  And it’s available exclusively at Wal*mart.  Is it just me or is this the worst pairing since peanut butter and mayonaise?

~ And finally, just a reminder that time is running out to get your pumpkin pics to me for Carvathon 2008, as well as your questions for MAILBAG MONDAY and ASK MIA.  The latter has received nary a request for romantical type advice much to Miss Mia’s dismay.  Send them to dirk.mancuso@gmail.com with the appropriate topic in the subject line.  I shall look forward to an overflowing mailbox upon my return home.

Peace out and have a tres groovy weekend y’all!

The Third Annual Dirk Mancuso Nicky Bruschetta Pumpkin Carving Challenge is on like Donkey Kong once again!  After last year’s rather poor showing, I am expecting a little more participation this year.  Seriously people — how fucking hard is it to trot your ass to the local grocery store or farmer’s market, purchase a perfectly shaped pumpkin, take that fucker home, carve its orange ass to a fare-the-well, take a pic, send it dirk.mancuso@gmail.com and include CARVATHON 2008 in the subject line?

Allow me to answer that for you:  it’s not that fucking hard at all as witnessed by my stellar efforts of the past such as this.  And this.

So get your asses carvin’ already.

(Check back in a few hours for Big announcement #2. And yes — the announcements get bigger.)

I’m Nicky Bruschetta and these are the headlines at this hour:

~ TV SO GOOD I WANT TO EAT IT UP (OR RUB IT ALL OVER MY BODY AND HAVE A CERTAIN SOMEONE LICK IT OFF):  How awesome was last night’s GOSSIP GIRL?  From that MY FAIR LADY opening to more of the national Serena van der Woodsen love-in (“I heard Marc Jacobs named a purse after her”) it was awesomeness incarnate.  Not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but I love this show.  And the previews for next week’s CRUEL INTENTIONS rip-off have me making happy in my boxer briefs already.

~ YOU WANT ME TO WEAR WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?…OKAY:  The Fella decided on Halloween costumes for us should we decide to dress up.  I’m not going to tip our hand just yet, but think fairy tale.  And then put the accent on “fairy.”  (And no, Trout — this does not involve drag in any form…)

~ YOU CAN’T TEACH AN OLD DOG NEW TRICKS:  Mia called to tell me she’s decided to go back to college after 21 years. Her major?  Umm…undecided. But what she was sure about was correcting me when I suggested she might have to retake a few classes due to the gap in her educational career:  ”So what?  If you’re out of college for 21 years and in your profession, do they make you retake the fucking class again?  I don’t think.  I’m an American, I have to the right not to take things over.  Unless they’re oil producing countries.  You’re serious? You mean I really might have to take things over that I’ve already taken?  Wait! — I have an associate’s degree!  They can’t touch that.  They have to take the credits! I’m immune — they can’t touch me.”

~ THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME?:  The Fella and I are making some holiday plans (re: Christmas-y). Don’t make too much of it — I’m not.

~ WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT DOESN’T GROW ON TREES?:  I have spent an obscene amount on amazon.com in the last few weeks.  Think 9 big boxes at my door obscene.  

~ ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU THAT YOU”RE LIKE COLD WATER ON A HARD-ON?  REALLY? ‘ CAUSE YOU TOTALLY ARE:  Clint informed me yesterday that I would need to work this Saturday.  All day.  Which totally fucks up my plans with The Fella. Of course, the good news is that he didn’t pick next weekend which is a Nicky and The Fella Getaway Part Deux.

~ COMING SOON:  Watch this space tomorrow for not one, not two, but three — that’s right, count ‘em! Three! — big announcements.

~ AND FINALLY, BECAUSE I HATE TO BE QUESTIONED ABOUT THINGS LIKE ACCURACY:  No, MindyMoo — it is not a “collapsed” uterus — it really is a prolapsed uterus.  Think of a really big pendulous hemorrhoid…only swinging from your vagina instead of your ass.  Does that make any sense?  No? Hmmmmm…then just click here.

I’m Nicky Bruschetta and it’s news to me!

Okay, so Halloween is coming and I totally have no idea what I’m going to be.  I suggested going as Tim Gunn and The Fella going as Heidi Klum but he said he’d look like Chewbacca in a lycra mini-dress — which I can’t argue with.  (The man has hair on every square inch of his body!)

So the clock’s ticking and I need an idea fast, folks!  If you have a link to a great costume — provide the link.  (And lurkers, this means you, too!)

Help a faggot out, won’t you?

It’s Tuesday and I’m taking the morning off work to go to a training seminar for another job. (Yeah, I’m a bitch like that — don’t hate.) And because I’m all keyed up and nervous and shit about making a good impression at this training session, I totally did NOT do the right thing and prepare a post the night before like a good little blogger. (Don’t give me shit — it’s GOSSIP GIRL Monday, people.) Therefore, I’m once again serving up a steaming helping of what’s on my mind…

~ There are oodles and gobbles of tv on dvd awesomeness flying onto store shelves today and none are as eagerly anticipated by yours truly as PUSHING DAISIES. If you’ve seen this one, you know of its greatness. If you haven’t then run out and pick this one up. Whimsical, romantic, quirky, and simply unlike anything else on today. Pick it up already.

~ I may not have any interest in the outcome of BIG BROTHER 11 since Keesha was evicted, but that sure as hell isn’t stopping me from working on my application for BIG BROTHER 12.  And talk about tough questions!  “Do you have a homepage on the Internet?  If so, what is the address?”  Geez, talk about a double sword with that one.  Part of me thinks listing my home page could be a help, but The Fella doesn’t know about the blog so that could come back to bite me in the ass on the off chance I was chosen.  Sigh.

~ It’s amazing how quickly your writing muscles become weak when you don’t exercise them.  Trying to write a real post last week (i.e., Friday’s debacle) after several weeks of being ‘puterless was harder than Hell.  It actually took me two days to come up with that piece of shit.  I’m slowly getting back into the groove I think, so be warned — lengthy boring shit is on the horizon.

~ 4 people were fired from work on Friday for taking things that didn’t belong to them.  Things like money.  People are so dumb.

~ I desperately need an idea for a Halloween costume.  The Fella suggested I go as Jim Dangle from RENO 911 and he would go as Travis.  I suggested I go as Tim Gunn and he go as Heidi Klum from PROJECT RUNWAY, but neither of seemed too crazy about the other’s idea.  Suggestions…?

~ Saw BURN AFTER READING.  I’m sure I’m in the minority, but all I could think the entire time I was watching Brad Pitt was “cheater, cheater, big fat cheater.”  Stuff like that tends to pull you right out of the movie going experience.

~ Did anybody watch FRINGE?  What the fuck was that DOA piece of shit?  Thanks anyway, FOX — I watched THE X-FILES the first time you aired it.

~ I do not like spiders and I will scream like a girl and throw stuff at one if spotted.  Just ask The Fella.

That’s it for today, kids!  Take care, have a great day, and don’t forget to send in those Halloween costume ideas (who knows — maybe the winning idea will result in a pic…ooooooooooooooh!)