In the midst of all the crazy fucking Captain Trips plague that is descending upon us, comes some good news: THIRTYSOMETHING is coming to dvd! And according to the folks at Shout! there will be no music changes when Season 1 arrives on August 25th! Hallelujah!

For those of you who don’t recall the series, it was all about my pre-Stamos crush, Michael Steadman portrayed by the dreamy Ken Olin.

Lord how I wanted to be his husband!  Of course, that was before I got a gander of the fifty-something Michael Steadman…

Still cute in a bear-ish sort of way, but falling far short of my 90’s dreamy Michael Steadman fantasy.

It’s Tuesday and I’m taking the morning off work to go to a training seminar for another job. (Yeah, I’m a bitch like that — don’t hate.) And because I’m all keyed up and nervous and shit about making a good impression at this training session, I totally did NOT do the right thing and prepare a post the night before like a good little blogger. (Don’t give me shit — it’s GOSSIP GIRL Monday, people.) Therefore, I’m once again serving up a steaming helping of what’s on my mind…

~ There are oodles and gobbles of tv on dvd awesomeness flying onto store shelves today and none are as eagerly anticipated by yours truly as PUSHING DAISIES. If you’ve seen this one, you know of its greatness. If you haven’t then run out and pick this one up. Whimsical, romantic, quirky, and simply unlike anything else on today. Pick it up already.

~ I may not have any interest in the outcome of BIG BROTHER 11 since Keesha was evicted, but that sure as hell isn’t stopping me from working on my application for BIG BROTHER 12.  And talk about tough questions!  “Do you have a homepage on the Internet?  If so, what is the address?”  Geez, talk about a double sword with that one.  Part of me thinks listing my home page could be a help, but The Fella doesn’t know about the blog so that could come back to bite me in the ass on the off chance I was chosen.  Sigh.

~ It’s amazing how quickly your writing muscles become weak when you don’t exercise them.  Trying to write a real post last week (i.e., Friday’s debacle) after several weeks of being ‘puterless was harder than Hell.  It actually took me two days to come up with that piece of shit.  I’m slowly getting back into the groove I think, so be warned — lengthy boring shit is on the horizon.

~ 4 people were fired from work on Friday for taking things that didn’t belong to them.  Things like money.  People are so dumb.

~ I desperately need an idea for a Halloween costume.  The Fella suggested I go as Jim Dangle from RENO 911 and he would go as Travis.  I suggested I go as Tim Gunn and he go as Heidi Klum from PROJECT RUNWAY, but neither of seemed too crazy about the other’s idea.  Suggestions…?

~ Saw BURN AFTER READING.  I’m sure I’m in the minority, but all I could think the entire time I was watching Brad Pitt was “cheater, cheater, big fat cheater.”  Stuff like that tends to pull you right out of the movie going experience.

~ Did anybody watch FRINGE?  What the fuck was that DOA piece of shit?  Thanks anyway, FOX — I watched THE X-FILES the first time you aired it.

~ I do not like spiders and I will scream like a girl and throw stuff at one if spotted.  Just ask The Fella.

That’s it for today, kids!  Take care, have a great day, and don’t forget to send in those Halloween costume ideas (who knows — maybe the winning idea will result in a pic…ooooooooooooooh!)

What’s on my mind today? Let’s take a safe for all audiences look…

~ How in the fuck can this rancid piece of shit be coming to dvd and yet KNOTS LANDING Seasons 2 – 13 and HOMEFRONT Seasons 1 & 2 are nowhere to be seen?

~ I have already filled about 9 more Hefty bags with things I have no interest or intention of taking with me when I move. At this point, I could just about live in my car if it had a shower.

~ Ron Carlivati, you are a daytime scribing God and I am at the head of the flock that worships you and the rich multi-layered storytelling goodness that flows from the genius that is your head-writing mind. Have I mentioned I have a wicked huge crush on you? I haven’t? Well, I do. And perhaps I shall mention you and your show (ONE LIFE TO LIVE) every day until you agree to marry me…or your show is at the top of the ratings.

~ The back panel on my cell phone broke, so I used Scotch brand invisible tape to reattach it. How ghetto am I?

~ They could erase Peter and Mary Jane’s marriage as well as Harry Osborn’s death, but they couldn’t bring Gwen Stacy back into active continuity and ret-con that shit about her fucking Norman Osborn and having his twins? You suck, Marvel.

~ I really have no interest in blogging any more…and I think it shows.

It’s Friday and after the lengthy shit I posted on Tuesday and Wednesday, I decided to postpone the Bruce post I had prepared for today. The internet is for porn, not reading and I would hate to overwhelm anyone who wandered over here expecting filth and got words and shit. Plus, I don’t want to set the bar for productivity too high or some of you might start expecting more from me.

So in the place of that Bruce post, I am serving up a random thoughts post (’cause they are wicked easy to do)…

~ God bless the execs over at Sony. They are finally releasing PARTY OF FIVE – SEASON 3 after a more than 2 year wait since season 2. Bailey’s alcoholism, Julia’s fling with Ben Browder, Kirsten’s break-down…this may be the show’s finest season. (Although, I am already in mourning that Sony most likely won’t pony up the cash to include “This Woman’s Work” by Kate Bush when Bailey goes to see Sarah after nearly killing her in a drunk driving accident.)

~ Oh for the love of Christ — between the writer’s strike and the practice election shit, there is nothing on tv.

~ The gout is back. Hoo-fucking-ray. I’m calling the doctor this morning but am refusing more steroids. Those things made me a bit edgy and anxious.

~ Looks like Disney’s The Little Mermaid is getting universally panned, but I don’t care. I still want to see it, if for no other reason than I am completely obsessive about all things Little Mermaid. And they’ll have nice chotchkes in the lobby.

~ Coffee Guy sent a text message last night at 10:26 last night to tell me he enjoyed his movie and to ask if one if the characters was nuts or what. I did not respond. I mean seriously…wtf?

And on that curious note, I bid you all a fond adieu. Take care and have a great weekend, kids!

I will be owning me this shit on dvd by noon Tuesday.  Word.

Instead of wasting the day developing a nasty case of carpal tunnel with on-line porn, you should be watching THE VENTURE BROS – SEASON 1 and 2.

A hilarious spoof of the old JOHNNY QUEST cartoons, THE VENTURE BROS. centers around teen-age brothers Dean and Hank, their father scientist father Thaddeus Venture, and his bodyguard Brock Sampson (voiced by the always reliable Patrick Warburton.) Crazy ass villians (The Monarch and his co-hort/paramour Dr. Girlfriend, Phantom Limb, Baron Underbheit, Molotov Cocktease), cameos from the QUEST cast, and boffo season ending cliffhangers make this one of the funniest shows on tv, live action or cartoon.

Check it out.

Agent Cooper! Sheriff Truman! Who killed Laura Palmer revealed! Wyndham Earle! The final fate of Josie Packard! The Log Lady! Audrey Horne — captive of the One Eyed Jack’s bordello! Coffee! Damn fine cherry pie!

All this and my first straight girl crush — Madchen Amick — too!

Buy this shit.

You know how you have that one movie that really speaks to you? The one that was maybe a box office disappoinment or fizzle? The one no one else liked or really understood, but that seems to express what you feel in ways you can never seem to put into words yourself? For me, that movie is THE OBJECT OF MY AFFECTION.If you haven’t seen it — and I find few people have — the story centers on Nina, a pregnant woman (my ever lovin’ number one female crush Jennifer Aniston) who, through a series of events, ends up shares her apartment with George, a recently dumped gay man (the adorable Paul Rudd). As their friendship grows, he falls in love with the idea of helping her raise her baby and she falls in love with him. Of course it can’t work out.

Yeah, I know…it’s cliche and predictable, but the actors really sell it for me and I can relate to so much of what Nina feels. She seems to say all the things I could never say to Gregg, and will never be able to say to anyone else ever.

Nina (on what constitutes a relationship): You have to pick one person and make it work.

Nina (to George who is obviously now in love with another man): I want you to be with me, I want you to marry me, I want you to love me the way that I love you.

Nina (to George, later): I want to look at you and not feel so hurt by you.

At one point in the film, Nina has a conversation with Rodney, an older gay man in love with Paul, a much younger man who has fallen for George, and effectively broken both Rodney and Nina’s hearts in the process:

Rodney: One shouldn’t be too hard on oneself when the object of one’s affection returns the favor with rather less enthusiasm than one might have hoped.

And then he delivers the line that brought tears to my eyes the first time I heard it and still does it every time I hear him and see the look on Nina’s face (which I imagine is the look I had on mine most of the years I spent with Gregg):

“Don’t fix your life so that you’re left alone right as you come to the middle of it.”

It’s true, folks. Nothing hurts like the realization you’ve fucked up like that. Take ol’ Uncle Dirk’s word for it and get your shit together post-haste.

Methinks posting after I’ve taken an early morning call from Gregg He-Whose-Name-Shall-Not-Be-Blogged is never a good idea, eh?