Even whilst on a mini-vay-cay, there is no shortage to the many musings wandering through a certain gay blogger’s mind.  Here are just a few…

~ I’m sporting wood that my beloved FARSCAPE will once again be continuing albeit in comic book form.  John Crighton, Aeryn, Chiana, Rygel, Scorpius — they’re all back!

~ ”When I say Hilshire, you say Farms. Hilshire!  Farms!  Go Meat!”  That shit floats through my fucking head at least 5 or 6 times a day.

~ Oh, Amanda Woodward…I really expected a much more fabulous mug shot. I mean, seriously — this is so Alison Parker.  You know, after her childhood sexual abuse was revealed and she turned to the bottle and eventually wound up in rehab where she hooked up with that NFL player with the sex addiction played by JAG.

~ I know I can’t be the only one who’s gonna be tuning in for 13: FEAR IS REAL on January 7th. Oh please, you know any show with a contestant sporting the tragically missspelled moniker Steffinnie is gonna get my attention.

~ Rumor has it that the first two episodes of Lost -Season 5 are rockin’ awesome.  So’s this pic of Mr Sexy Pants Mathew Fox:

Who would’ve thought he could be just as hawt minus the stubble? 

~ It’s amazing to me how quickly I’ve gotten used to the desktop computer after using Lappy for years. And the strangest thing of all is that I actually prefer the desktop.  I guess you really can teach an old dog new tricks after all.

~ No matter how many times I see those Chuck Norris lists, I can’t help but giggle.

Funny shit.

~ The goal this year is to lose that final 20 pounds and get down to my fighting weight.  Of course at my age, I should probably split the difference and aim for 10.

~ And finally, witness the majesty that greeted me upon a recent foray to the cinema:

How moist are my boxers at this very moment?  Try infinity squared.

Have a great day, everybody!

Well, the extended weekend may have come to an end, but as far as I know The Fella and I are still together.  Some things were said and some things were done that on one hand have me thinking we might settling in for the long haul and on the other that this may be just a diversion for him.

And since I seem to have ushered in a bold new period of bravery and stuff, I’m going to come right out and ask him on Friday night.  Because that seems kind of appropriate, what with it being Halloween and his answer having the potential to all scary and shit.  (Hmmm, maybe I should ASK MIA since no one else is sending her romantical type questions for her debut column and she is calling me daily whining about how none of “her” readers love her and shit).

And as soon as I figure out how to crop and add pics to my i-mac (so I can add them to my post), I’ll tell you (almost) all about it…

The first call came in at 9:31am.

“Hello?”

“All our representatives are currently assisting other customers.  Please wait for the next available representative.  Thank you.”

I hung up.

Seriously?  Dirkey don’t play that shit.  Either call and be ready to talk or dial when you are available — if you call me, you’re on MY time so don’t make with the wasting of it.

The second call came at 1:50pm.

“Mr. Mancuso?”

“Yes.”

“This is Reed from Hell.  Our records indicate your account is currently behind.”

***record scratch***

Cue me politely clearing my throat and asking my account in regards to what.

“Your laptop computer.”

Deep breath.  “I don’t own any of your products.”

“Our records indicate that you do and that your account is delinquent, sir.”

I quickly corrected him on that matter and then proceeded to explain in graphic detail the entire horrific turn of events:  how I ordered the damn thing on July 24th and was first promised it first by August 10th, then later by August 19th, only to receive a voice mail on August 18th inquiring why I had cancelled my order. Upon calling to clarify that I had NOT cancelled the order, I learned that as a result of what I later learned was an internal ”snafu” I would have to go to the end of the line and begin my wait for a computer all over again with a mid to late September delivery date now promised.  Realizing it would be easier to adopt Romanian baby than to get a laptop from these people, I opted to go with an i-mac.

“I see.  So would you be willing to pay perhaps $30 today on your account?”

“When I just opened my mouth, did English fall out?.  No.  I would not like to make a payment today.  I make it a policy not to make payments on items I don’t own and have no intention of owning.”

“Well, this account is showing past due.”

Again I made with the whole “you pissed me of and I took my business elsewhere” saga of a computerless bloggin’ ‘mo in the semi big city.

Once he realized I had no intention of budging on my refusal to pony up some green, he gave me a number to call to get the matter rectified.

Which I called.

And told my epic tale in its entirity once more.

Only to be told by that individual that he could not help me — I would need to talk to customer care.

LOL.

Customer care.  Good one.

After an interminable wait, I was paired up with a perky gal with a southern drawl and a penchant for interrupting and then saying “I’m sorry — go on.”

Which I did.  At great length.

Finally(!), after 45 excruciating minutes a light bulb went off — I think — and the pieces slowly fell into place:  I was informed that since I had never received a computer (okay, somebody was listening), my account was now at a zero balance and I no longer owed anything for something I didn’t own (that’s what I’m talkin’ about)..

I think this only further cemented my belief in what I’ve been told:  once you go mac, you’ll never go back.

Can I get an amen?

A desktop Mac or a laptop PC?  Vote already, people — I’m buying something tomorrow!  I need help making this decision!!!

Oh, and get those Mailbag Monday questions in already!  You only have 4 days left — time’s a wastin’!

Okay, I’m thisclose to getting a computer so bear with me a bit longer, folks — it’s gonna happen.  And hopefully by Friday.  But until then, here’s what’s on my mind…

~ BB 10’s Keesha up eviction?  Oh hells to the oh no!  Kick that fucking Memphis (he of that nasty goddamn v-neck tee that does absolutely NOTHING for him or me) out first, y’all!

~ Speaking of BB, is there anyone out there who reads this piece of shit blog and has connections to the BB producers?  ‘Cause seriously, if you do, have those people get in touch with me. Like yesterday.

~ The Fella and I saw HAMLET 2 over the weekend.  And while I would never condone forced oral copulation, I have to admit that I laughed my ass off at the “Raped in the Face” musical number. 

~ McCain or Obama.  Either way, we’re screwed.

~ Remember how I mentioned breaking the camera lens on my fucking cheap ass cell phone?   Well, in what I hope is the beginning of a reversal of fortune, I called to see when my contract expired and it expired 2 days after the fucking phone broke.  Long story short, I am now the proud owner of one of those enV2 phones.  And may I just say that bitch takes awesome fucking pics?  I may?  That bitch takes awesome fucking pics.

~ I’m seriously leaning toward a Mac.   

~ Getting the old dvd collection re-alphabetized is nowhere as easy as one might think.  I need an intervention or a stay Betty Ford or something.  Seriously — I have an addiction.

~ Casey Anthony.  Seriously, anyone who thinks she is innocent is out of their fucking tree.

~ Mailbag Monday is next Monday.  You still have time to get those questions in.   Remember, anything goes and all questions WILL be answered.  Send them to dirk.mancuso@gmail.com and be sure to include MAILBAG MONDAY in the subject line.

~ The Drunk Eve saga has totally gone off the fucking rail and is cornering on two wheels at this point.  The very second I get a computer, I will be bringing you every last sordid detail.  Suffice it to say it ain’t pretty.

~ After what seemed like years, the morally corrupt ”teens” of  GOSSIP GIRL returned with new eppies last night.  Puh-raise Jee-bus!

Well, that’s it for today, kids.  Have a great day and don’t forget to send in your questions — remember, the only stoopid question is the one not asked!

…so I need your help.

What kind of computer should I get?  What brand?  Laptop or desktop?  Tell a faggot what to do, people!

(And while you’re at it, don’t forget to send in those Mailbag Monday questions!  There’s still time before the September 9th edition so send them to dirk.mancuso@gmail.com!)