The week kicks off with Vicboria once again smacking Billy.

“That’s my way of saying thanks, jerk!” she tells him before turning face and stomping out. You need to take a chill pill, Vics — you’re the one that fucked Deacon, not Billy. You made the news, he just reported it.

Daniel and Amber show up dressed as something stupid and blast Billy for his “expose” on Saint Vicboria.

Meanwhile, Abby and her new pal Daisy (is there any doubt this girl is trailer trash trouble with a capital T with a name like Daisy?) — dressed as Amy Winehouse and Gwen Stefani — try to score some drinks.

At Crimson Lights, a stressed Ghastly is still searching for Abby. (Is she fucking retarded? The coffee house isn’t that big and has like 6 patrons.) She runs into No-Duh and MIA-for-months Lispy McFivehead who tell her they haven’t seen Abby all evening. Ghastly realizes that Abby probably crashed Billy’s party and dashes off.

As J.T. waits to board his plane, Vicboria goes back to Newman Enterprises where an employee gives her his letter. Perfectly good split screen effects are wasted on these human yawns.

Ryder remembers something that happened during his childhood via voice-overs and is overcome with emotion. Or stomach cramps. It’s hard to tell. “I didn’t mean for it to happen…” he chokes out.

Amber and Chloe recognize Abby and go over to the table where Daisy asks the women to buy them drinks. They do — virgin, non-alcoholic drinks– and soon the two teens are toasting with Amber, Daniel, Ryder, and Kevin when Chance comes by and cards them. Even though they are underage and in a bar trying to score drinks, Chance cuts them a break and tells them he’ll overlook it this time but makes them leave.

Vicboria goes to the ranch where The Moustache no longer lives but is holding court anyway and tells her daddy that her marriage is all kinds of fucked up and she needs time away from Newman Enterprises to patch up the boo-boos. The Moustache tells her to do whatever she needs to do; family is the most important thing. Yes, Vicboria — if leaving town forever will heal your stupid marriage, leave NOW.

Phyllis puts Special Needs Summer to bed and calls Shit For Brains out on his preoccupation since he saw The Saint with NuAdam. “If you need to go tell the dumb bitch that NuAdam is big trouble — go,” Phyllis tells her gorgeous-but-so-fucking-dumb-it’s-annoying hubby.

NuMac starts in with that “I’m so disappointed in you” bullshit again and Billy walks out.

The Moustache tells Shit For Brains that he is leaving for Belgium tonight and Vicboria is leaving for New York so he is putting his sexy son in charge of Newman Enterprises but he wants him to give the ugly one increasingly more responsibility there.

Back at Jimmy’s: Amber and Daniel get horny and go in Jimmy’s stockroom to fuck. What a couple of pigs…Chloe tries to get frisky with Chance but he tells her he’s not going to share her…Ghastly arrives looking for Abby. Chance notices her and tells her that he kicked some underage girls out earlier. Ghastly leaves.

NuMac announces last call and shuts the bar down in about 30 seconds without counting the till or cleaning up or blowing out all the candles on the tables. The door has been shut 10 seconds before Amber and Daniel wander out of the back room. Realizing they are locked in and can’t leave without setting off the alarms, they dance. Ack. They are about as romantic as orthopedic shoes.

Nikki and The Moustache visit the stables one last time before leaving for Belgium.

Nikki tells The Moustache that when he told her about the estate he’s rented in Belgium, she knew what the perfect gift would be. She whips out a puppy (“I already checked — we can totally take him to Belgium with us!” Whatever.) The Moustache can’t decide whether to name him Segundo for second chance or Corazon for heart.

A drunken Billy visits Colleen’s grave where he whines about how everyone is down on him for his RESTLESS STYLE articles on the Newmans except for Chloe and Cordelia.

NuAdam drops by the tack house to suggest Phyllis try to keep Shit For Brains calm in all matters Saint related, pointing out that if she does it’s better for her marriage. Do it yourself, Phyllis tells him showing him the door and calling him out on his transparent machinations. Now if only she could be like that with her dumbass husband.

Shit For Brains goes to warn The Saint about NuAdam but she ain’t buying…

The Saint: I think if you opened up your mind a little bit, you might like him. He’s really funny, he’s really sweet, he really understands people. It’s amazing…
Shit For Brains: Wow. You have a thing for this guy.
The Saint: You are totally misreading our relationship.
Shit For Brains: So now it’s a relationship.
The Saint: Stop it.
Shit For Brains: Saint, Adam’s gay. He slept with his lawyer. I’m sure he forgot to mention that to you.
The Saint: He is definitely NOT gay. He told me about an incident with his lawyer. It was a very complicated situation. He ended up misrepresenting himself as being gay and I’m not saying that’s right, but it doesn’t make him gay.

The Saint: Look, I’m done defending myself to you. You’re not that person to me anymore. You’re not my protector and I can take care of myself, thank you very much.
Shit For Brains: I really hope he doesn’t hurt you the way I think he’s going to but if he does, as always, I am here for you. Don’t forget that.

Vicboria and No-Neck Reed show up at the airport as J.T. is preparing to board the plane for New York. She apologizes, J.T. totally forgives her skank ass, and they prepare to go to New York for their new beginning. Here’s hoping this is the last we see of these two. A recast Vicboria would be welcome, but no J.T.

Abby and Daisy go to Crimson Lights where they run into No-Duh and Lispy McFivehead. It’s pretty clear that Daisy might be having a thing for the youngest Newman, much to Lispy’s chagrin.

Ghastly shows up (Jana called her) and drags Abby’s stupid ass home.

A drunk Billy goes to the Chancellor mansion to see Chloe who he kisses…

just as Chance comes in.

Of course, once Chance walks away Chloe pulls away and tells Billy she can’t — they are just friends now.

Jeffrey and Gloria receive an eviction notice from Phyllis. Gloria tells her hubby they aren’t going anywhere; she can feel that John is looking over her since his son Billy wrote the article that is putting them back on the road to riches.

Amber apologizes to NuMac about having to call the alarm company to let them out. She then opines that Billy may be a great guy in her eyes but to the rest of the world, he’s a jerk. “I don’t know that we”ll ever be okay.”

Abby is pissed Ghastly made her come home when she wasn’t drinking.

No-Duh asks The Saint if she was alone handing out candy. She tells him no, she had company come over and had a really nice time.

Shit For Brains settles into his daddy’s office. His first order of business? Laying down the law to his blind little bro…

Shit For Brains: You need to stay away from The Saint. She ’s been through enough and doesn’t need your head games.
NuAdam: You’re not her husband and it’s not your call — I would never hurt her.
Shit For Brains: That’s probably what you said to Heather before you destroyed her life. If you want to continue to work here, you’re going to shut up and continue to follow orders.
NuAdam: Chair feels good, doesn’t it? No one sits there long except for dad. Enjoy it while it lasts…

Michael meets with Jeffrey and Gloria. First order of business: getting his best friend Phyll to lay off. Next up: justice for the Corazon bank debacle. “Nudge the SEC — get them to care about the victims of the Cayman Island bank tragedy,” Gloria instructs her son. Michael says he’ll pass on pertinent info but he’s noit going to screw The Moustache over. After Michael leaves, Glo tell Jeffrey Michael will never let her down.

At Fenmore’s, Amber is frustrated that there are a dozen of her coats that haven’t sold. Lauren offers her a job as a salesgirl. The dizzy bitch is thrilled.

The Thunder From Down Under and Lily make love. A knock at the door. It’s Deafie and Roxanne. The Ashbys give them the bum’s rush so they can fuck.

NuMac is jealous because she needs her life to mean something again. Shut the fuck up, NuMac. Enter The Saint (with her ginormous purse) who gives Billy her resignation because he didn’t think for a second thought how his article would affect No-Duh and Abby. Shut the fuck up, Saint.

Daisy and Abby meet up at Crimson Lights and stop by No-Duh and Lipsy Mc Fivehead’s table. When Lispy McFivehead makes a crack about Daisy being some rich boarding school brat, Daisy informs Lispy she is at Walnut Grove on a full scholarship and needs a job to earn the extras like food and clothing.

Ghastly waltzes into Newman Enterprises to tell Shit For Brains that she’d like a quarterly report. She’s still on the board so like it or not, he’s stuck with her. “I intend to make a difference in this company for Colleen and her dad,” Ghastly announces. Shit For Brains tells his step-mommy that he’s looking to make some changes at Newman Enterprises now that he’s King Turd of the Shitheap. “You’re dad doesn’t like change,” Ghastly reminds him. “I’ll be interested tro see what you bring to the table…”

Amber runs into Abby and Daisy at Crimson Lights and suggests Daisy goes over to Fenmore’s for the other salesgirl position.

Daisy goes to Fenmore’s and shmoozes Lauren to get the job (you’re beautiful, a total fashionista) and then shows a knowledge of Chanel. Lauren takes her name and number and following a reference from Amber, the job is hers.

Michael drops by Newman Enterprises to tell Shit For Brains that the SEC has latched onto the Cayman Island thing thanks to Billy’s article. SInce The Moustache withdrew funds, the SEC is thinking insider trading. And since so many people lost their shirts, there is pressure on the SEC to investigate. “It’s going to cost us…and cost us big,” Michael says.

NuAdam goes to see The Saint who tells him she quit RESTLESS STYLE and feels great about it and totally wants him to be the first to know…

NuAdam: Better watch it. Keep being kind to me and Shit For Brains is going to flip out. He already called me into his office and told me to stay away from you.
The Saint: He did what?
NuAdam: And to guarantee I stay away, I’m being sent out of town on assigment. That’s why I’m here…to say goodbye.
The Saint: Obviously power has gone to Shit For Brains’s head  because banishing you so we can’t see each other is ridiculous. Shit For Brains doesn’t have a vote in who I spend time with. I’ll miss you. 

They hug. I predict fuckery by New Year’s for these two. Probably when he goes to comfort her on Thanksgiving.

Shit For Brains says there has to be a way to make the Cayman Islands debacle disappear. “You could pay back the people who lost funds,”Michael counsels him. “The alternatives are costier and could take years to resolve. If you want this to go away, this is our only option..”

NuMac continues to give Billy the cold shoulder. Enter Lauren who tells Billy she is pulling all future Fenmore ads from the magazine. 

The Thunder From Down Under and Baldy fuck.

Daisy tells Amber that Lauren hired her based on Amber’s recommendation. Abby congratulates her new pal. Ghastly comes in and drags her lying grounded kid’s ass home.

Michael tells Jeffrey and Gloria that it is posible the SEC will demand restituiton for the Cayman Islands bank collapse so they should get in line for reimbursement. The Bardwells toast Billy Abbott, whose article made their regaining their fortune possible

NuMac tells sad face clown Billy she loves him and thinks he’s learned a valuable lesson.

Chloe tells Chance about Billy’s kiss on Halloween but the hunk has had enough of her games and blows off her suggestion they get together later.

The Cryptkeeper calls a meeting with Neil and Jill about taking a certain portion of Chancellor Industries stock public…and how such a move could benefit them.

Paul has coffee with Nina to whine about Patti. He leaves and Phillip joins Nina, asking if she is seeing Paul. Nina assures him she isn’t and asks if Phillip wants to dish about his love life. Phillip says he doesn’t have one; he’s trying to concentrate on his son right now. Nina invites him to the mansion to look at Chance’s childhood photo album.

Jack confronts Emily about her vocation being based on the premise that people can change yet she refuses to believe he could. Jack is dismayed to learn that Emily wil not be a part of Patti’s doctors — she’s going back to Minnesota.

Time is wasted trying to develop interest in Deafie and Roxanne as a couple. It doesn’t work.

Jill thanks TC for the kindness she’s extending with the stock shit. The Cryptkeeper waxes philosophical about her life and how she has a daughter out there somewhere. “I can do a lot of things for you too, if you let me,” granny tells Jill.

Paul begs Emily to stay on in Genoa City and help pati. Emily tells him that his whack-a-doodle sister is in good hands and she is returning to Minnesota.

Neil discusses his concerns about The Thunder From Down Under and Lily with Deafie. Deafie tells Neil he’s going to graduate this sememster, write some songs, and pursue music. Neil says if Deafie does that and gets some musicians together, he’ll pay for the studio. Oh God, no.

Chloe asks Chance why he’s acting the way he is. It’s a great thing you stood your ground with Billy — but you never really let go, do you? A hurt Chloe says she thought he’d be excited that he was the one she wanted to share this step with but she was wrong and rushes out of the room.

The Thunder From Dow Under and Lily go to Trumbles Used bookstore. Yes, I know — fascintaing viewing.

Emily receives a call from a Dr. Lambert at the Genoa City University Psych department offering her a job. Emily is thrilled until Lambert mentions that the department she’s heading will have no trouble with funding thanks to the The Abbott Foundation.

Jack drops by Chancellor and catches The Cryptkeeper and Jill with their heads together. After Jill leaves, he asks TC what they are up to and says that whatever it is, he will find out.

The aunit-fucker kisses Roxanne. Still don’t give a shit about these two.

Neil drops by to see Lily who tells him that she and TTFDU renewed their vows. This is some seriously boring shit, people.

Phillip and Nina walk in as Chloe and Chance try to resolve things. We should go, Phillip says to Nina. ”Yeah, why don’t you go? That’s what you’re good at you gutless coward!! GO!” Chance cries as he lashes out at Phillip, telling him that Ryan McNeil was his real father and Phillip never will be.

Jill runs into Paul at the GCAC and hires him. “There’s somebody I want you to find. Katherine’s daughter….”