We were laying in bed watching NEAR DARK the first time my cell rang. Since it was after 11 pm and it wasn’t one of the ringtones assigned to important people, I ignored it.
About a half later, it rang again. Once more I chose not to answer it.
I was giving Tristan head at 12:17 when it rang once again.
“Who the hell is that?” he sighed.
I checked my phone.
“Diane…”
“That stumpy heifer with hot flashes and bad hair?” he asked with the quizzical arch of an eyebrow.
I nodded.
“Well, did she leave a message?”
“…yeah…”
“Maybe you better listen to it. Something’s pretty goddamn important.”
I dialed my voice mail and put the phone on speaker as Diane’s voice filled the room:
“Here I am calling you and I end up talking to your answering machine. Sorry you missed me. I’ve got nothing but time if you aren’t hanging around with that big ape I always see you with. And just so you know, if you ask me out I’ll say yes. If it’ll help you decide, I put out on a first date. Niiiiiiiiiiiiight.”
“Big ape? If you ask her out?” Tristan huffed. “I will cut a bitch if she lays one pudgy post menopausal finger on my man…”
Sigh.
I totally didn’t see this one coming.
I see co-habitation in your near future. I’m just sayin’….
By: catrina on Wednesday, July 15, 2009
at 6:43 am
Diane is so clueless. She always sees you with another man. Since you won’t ask her out she decided she’d have to ask you. Since you’re with that guy all the time you must not be able to find a girl so she is volunteering. Dirk don’t want you he has what he wants thank you. Now.go.away!
By: Ed on Wednesday, July 15, 2009
at 6:54 am
Personally I think you should get some of that poon-tenanny! It would do yer momma proud!
By: Cb on Wednesday, July 15, 2009
at 9:14 am
The revolving cast of characters in your life would make for a very watchable TV program…
By: Randi on Wednesday, July 15, 2009
at 10:33 am
When Tristan repeated “Big ape?” you should have replied “Yeah, but in the good way!”
LOL – good stuff!
By: Mark in DE on Wednesday, July 15, 2009
at 2:50 pm