Clint and Roger tie up The Cryptkeeper, Esther, and Annie.

Victor and Ashley stop by The Jew’s old house to pick up a box of shit Abby supposedly made him over the years (whatever). Victor “subtlely” suggests that The Jew would want Colleen to get out and live life. Enter jack who tells The Moustache if he’s suggesting she give up her board seat he can forget it.

Lily agrees to be Mrs. Thunder From Down Under.

Chloe is thrilled with Billy’s proposal until he makes it clear that he’s only asking her to have a place in the baby’s life. Chloe tells him to get out. “I don’t care what it takes — I’m going to have a place in that little girl’s life,” BIlly tells Chloe before she slams the door in his face.

Victor and Jack trade snide comments, resulting in Ashley telling them that if this continues she will pack up her daughter and leave town. “You will lose us,” she shrieks, “you will BOTH lose us! Is that really what you want?” I don’t know what they want, but what I want is for Eileen Davidson to quit wearing fugly shit like this:

Jill returns home to find a depressed Chloe who tells her that Billy proposed and she threw his ass out because all he wanted was the baby. “Chloe, you were all right with that when it was Cane…are you in love with Billy?” Jill asks. “I love my son — he’s adorable, but when it comes to someone you can rely on…” 

Clint forces Esther to write a letter to Chloe telling her that she’s gone on her honeymoon then leaves to deliver it. Esther brings The Cryptkeeper up to date with all the developments since she “died” including the fact that she is now a great grandmother.

The Cryptkeeper: How’s my daughter?
Esther: She’s still a…
The Cryptkeeper: Bitch?
Esther: Class A.

Kevin outfits Murph with a FIND KATHERINE t-shirt. Murph says that every time he reads the note The Cryptkeeper left, he feels that there’s something really wrong. Kevin asks to see the note.

Chloe tells Amber about her two baby daddies. Amber holds Cordelia and confides that she was once pregnant but lost the baby (she leaves out the part where she wasn’t sure if her baby would come out black or white since she slept with both Rick Forrester and Usher). 

Billy confides in Victor and Ashley regarding his love for Cordelia and his desire to be a father to her. Ashley has her doubts about his sincerity but Victor tells the junior Abbott that his father would be very proud of him. Of course, The Moustache makes everything about him and tells Billy that he gave up raising one of his own children and now that child is in prison. Victor excuses himself for an appointment.

Cane and Lily fuck.

Jill runs into jack at Crimson Lights and spills the beans about Chloe turning down Billy’s proposal.

Amber breaks her ass to run back to Crimson Lights and tells everyone about Chloe’s baby daddy drama. When she suggests she and Daniel have a baby, he shoots that idea done post haste. Enter Jill who spots the FIND KATHERINE t-shirts and buys them all so she can throw them away.

Jack goes to see Chloe and urges her to rethink turning down Billy’s proposal. He tells her that she is a part of the Abbott family now and offers her and Cordelia a home at the Abbott mansion.

Amber and Kevin go over The Cryptkeeper’s note and discover that the first letter of each sentence spells out CLINT.

The Crypkeeper manages to free herself and knocks out Roger. She frees Esther and Annie and the three women prepare to leave when Roger comes to. Annie throws Ahote at him, slicing his arm.

Now in possession of Ahote, Roger tells the women to stop before they can get away.

Chloe calls Billy and tells him she’d like to rewind their earlier conversation and start over.

Victor meets with a woman whose face is covered in bandages. “The bandages will come off soon and I will take care of everything…”

At the Newman ranch, everyone is planning a surprise 16th birthday party for Noah. Victor calls his grandson and asks him to come by the ranch later. If he coms any earlier, no one will be there The Moustache lies.  No-Duh hangs up and tells Lispy he knows where they can be alone for a while…

Amber and Daniel go to Jimmy’s to meet someone who’s seen The Cryptkeeper. While they wait, Gina calls wanting to meet with Daniel to give him something. He tells her where they are and then takes a table across the room so as not to scare off the prospective lead. Enter Clint. He approaches Amber who shows him a photo of The Cryptkeeper and ask if that is the woman he saw. Clint says he’s positive.

No-Duh and Lispy go to the ranch and are all over each other. 

Suddenly they realize that they have an audience.

Oh shit.

Clint is stressing over what to do now that they have 3 crazy women hostages. The Cryptkeeper suggests that Esther sell her half of the mansion to Jill. Clint tells his accomplice to set up a meeting with Jill and the “dust bunny.”

Saint Sharon tells her son he’s not supposed to be seeing Lispy. No-Duh says if Lispy can’t stay then he’s leaving, too. Nikki steps up and says that of course Lispy can stay which only serves to piss off Sharon even more. I think No-Duh should be pissed his mother couldn’t have her fucking hair done for his sweet 16 birthday party. Look at that mop:

The doorbell rings. It’s Jack. The tension ratchets up another dozen notches as Victor tells Jack that this is a family gathering. “Actually, I invited Jack,” Ashley pipes up. Way to stir the shit, Ash.

Chloe tells Jill that she and Billy are going to dicuss raising Cordelia together again. Wanting to keep her grand-daughter in the mansion, Jill tries being nice to Chloe and tells her that Billy is untrustworthy. On her way out, Jill runs into Billy. She tells her son that whatever happens, she expects him to treat the mother of her grand-daughter with respect. Like you, Jill? 

Chloe: I know you don’t love me, but at least you don’t hate me….not like Cane did when he married me. So if you’re still offering…
Billy: I am.
Chloe: Okay, then let’s co-mingle our assets and file a joint return.
Billy: We’ll be friends.
Chloe (deflated): With benefits.
Billy: We’ll have some fun — see how it goes. Since we’re being honest — I can’t be monogamous. I’d like to be free. To pursue other women. Discreetly.
Chloe: I don’t have any illusions that you’re going to fall in love with me. Don’t worry.

Left alone, Annie confides to The Cryptkeeper that Roger is the love of her life.

Abby: Why would you bring her here? If it weren’t for you, my father would still be alive.
No-Duh: It wasn’t Lispy’s fault.
Abby: She took you ice-skating and she brought the whiskey!
Lispy: I’m thorry, Abby. Tho thorry.
Abby: I don’t accept your apology.
Lispy: I’d do anything to change what happened. I should leave…
Abby: Yes, you should.

Roger and Esther meet with Jill at Trumbles Bookstore and offer to sell her Esther’s half of the mansion. “No. Not interested,” Jill replies. If Esther leaves, chances are Chloe and Cordelia will, too.  I know the show needs to justify the building of a new set, but seriously — why does all the action now have to take place at the bookstore?

Sharon stomps around the ranch cleaning up after the partygoers and wondering what her son sees in Lispy. Phyllis asks the Saint if she is okay and gets crazy face for her trouble:

Everyone gathers to look out the window where Victor is presenting No-Duh with a new car. Way to break the 4th wall, gang. Maybe next time you could all focus on the same point off camera, huh?

Clint tells Amber he ran into The Cryptkeeper as he was getting off a bus and she was getting on. A huge deal is made of the ex-con eating a mint. oh wait! Thank you, Maria Arena Bell, for beating me over the head with what I think might be a clue!

Gina shows up at Jimmy’s to see her nephew. She gives him a check Danny wanted him to have to start his art show. She is suddenly dumbstruck to see Clint walk past their table.

Gina: Who was that man you were talking to?
Amber: He saw Katherine.
Gina: Don’t believe a word that man has to say. He’s nothing more than a low life con artist! His name is Clint Radisson.
Daniel: Weren’t you married to Clint Radisson?
Gina: And it was the worst decision of my life. I had no idea he was out of prison.
Amber: Prison?
Gina: Yeah — he kidnapped Katherine years ago. The judge gave him a long sentence…but it wasn’t hi first. You see, he was my father’s ex-cellmate. That’s how I met him. Clint was the one that found Marge at that diner and he coached her to take Katherine’s place. You have no idea how dangerous this man is!
Amber: Oh my God — Clint is the name on Katherine’s note! What if he has her?

Roger returns with Esther and tells Clint that Jill turned down their offer.

Jack: Things must be mighty tough when you have to buy a kid a car just to get him to admire you…
Victor: You don’t sem to be able to keep anyone close to you for love or money.

Sharon tells Victor that No-Duh will not be allowed to drive the car until he’s demonstrated some responsibility. Ten seconds later, Nick agrees to let his son go for a quick jaunt to show the car to his friends. I don’t want you seeing Lispy, Sharon harps.

Of course the first thing No-Duh does is takes Lispy for a ride. He says he doesn’t care if his parents hate her.

The party winds down and Sharon tells Victor good bye. On her way out, she spots a small framed photo…

which she immediately puts in her purse.

Only this time, Phyllis spots the klepto.

Busted!

Jack runs into Jill at Crimson Lights and tells her that Chloe has had a change of heart and is going to move into the Abbott mansion with him. “Over my dead body! That baby is not leaving my house, Jack!” Jill cries.

Chloe tells Billy she’s decided to file for an annulment. He says that he has a friend – Raph Torres — who will act as her lawyer.

Gina, who apparently told her hairdresser she wanted to look like Nancy Grace, tells Amber the best thing she can do is stay the hell away from Clint Radisson. “And this Marge character,” Daniel adds.

“Clint Radisson — I am going to prove to you that I am Katherine Chancellor, you miserable bastard!” The Cryptkeeper announces.

At the GCAC, Nick and Phyllis are having dinner. The Red Menace tells Hunkalicious that she saw Saint Sharon stealing a silver picture frame from the ranch. Hunkalicious, being all gorgeousness and no brains, reasons that his daddy must have given it to her.

Meanwhile over at Crimson Lights, Sharon gets in her purse to pay for her coffee (why not just steal it?) and discovers the silver picture frame. She looks confused as the first time someone explained conditioner to her.

Jill tries to talk Chloe out of moving to the Abbott mansion by telling her that Billy will never love her but Chloe is determined to give Delia a chance at a real family.

Billy asks Jack how he got Chloe to change her mind. By telling her that Billy had real feelings for her, Jack replies. Billy is livid, telling his big brother that he does not want to be trapped in a loveless marriage. Jack cautions him that not making a go of his marriage could result in Cane getting custody of Delia and raising her as his own.

The Cryptkeeper blows Clint’s ass of the water by telling him that he once gave Gina diamond earrings which he was making payments on and she thought they were fakes. “I’ll be damned,” Radisson mutters, “it IS you…”

Daniel is pissed that Amber doesn’t take Gina’s advice to steer clear of Clint and instead calls Kevin to Jimmy’s so they can plan a course of action. When she tells Kevin about the mint that Clint unwrapped in front of her, Kevin retrieves the wrapper which bears a “Tasty Host” imprint. Daniel skoffs at Kevin’s plan to call Tasty Host and find out all the place they distribute their mints to in Genoa City.

Phyllis goes to Jack and urges him to reach out to Saint Sharon as her behavior is growing increasingly “weird.” Meanwhile, Nick runs into Sharon at the GCAC and asks her if she took a silver picture frame from his father’s home. A better question would be “WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO AGAINST STYLING THAT MOP ON YOUR HEAD?!?!?!”

The Saint tells Hunkalicious that she took the frame to have it engraved for Victor’s birthday, the dumb shit totally buys her story. Moron. 

Gina runs into Jill and tells her that Clint Radisson is out of prison.

Chloe calls Billy and tells him they need to talk. Billy goes to the Chancellor mansion where Chloe tells him that she can’t marry him if he intneds to live in the penthouse and fuck random women. Reluctantly, Billy agrees to move into the poolhouse with Chloe and the baby and give things a chance.

Realizing that The Cryptkeeper is the real deal, Clint sends Esther to Jill with a ransom note. Jill, of course, believes that it is Marge in league with Clint and refuses to pony up any cash.

Kevin and Amber show up at the hotel room (they’ve managed to follow their Tasty Host lead in 2 commercial breaks). Clint holds a gun to The Cryptkeeper’s head while Annie answers the door.

Amber shows the crazy nurse a pic of The Cryptkeeper but Annie says she’s never seen her. Kevin looks inside the room and spots the coat The Cryptkeeper wore while she was living with Murphy.

Jack calls Sharon and leaves a message asking her to stop by the mansion so they can talk. At that very moment, Sharon is in her suite at the GCAC fucking Billy.

Whore.