Second in a continuing series…
Lola: I want to go to the riverboat and gamble.
Dirk: Go for it.
Lola: I could take Virginia with me.
Dirk: Sounds good.
Lola: She probably wouldn’t go…
Dirk: Take your insurance man boyfriend.
Lola: He’s not my boyfriend.
Dirk: Whatever, mom.
Lola: Maybe I’ll take Tristan. I’ll get him over there and make him straight. I could probably turn him around.
Dirk: I doubt that.
Lola: I bet I could make him straight.
Dirk: Whatever.
Lola: You don’t want him straight?
Dirk: I like Tristan just the way he is.
Lola: You don’t think I could do that? Why don’t you think I could do that? If I put my mind to it, I bet I could work his pecker down to a nubbins and when I was done he’d like snatch.
Dirk: Jesus…
Lola: I’m going to ask you something and I want a straight answer — no beating around the bush and trying to change the subject: do you like him the way he is because you’re putting his pecker in your mouth?
Dirk: …
Lola: That better be a “no.”
I’m going to have nightmares about that conversation.
By: Chris on Monday, February 16, 2009
at 1:52 am
Dear Lola: It is absofuckinglutly none of your business what Dirk does in the bedroom. You’ll never turn any Gay man straight. You’d just turn his stomach. Many a female has put a man’s Penis in her mouth and I’m betting you’re one of them. You could have a friend to go gambling with if you weren’t such an Asshat. You’re welcome, ed.
By: Ed on Monday, February 16, 2009
at 7:02 am
It seems to me that Mama is a bit obsessed with what goes on with you and da fella. I suggest that Mama get laid! And perhaps you bring it up to her and wait for her to be speechless!
By: catrina on Monday, February 16, 2009
at 7:19 am
Is mom losing her marbles?
By: Summer on Monday, February 16, 2009
at 8:11 am
Can you please get a picture of her up on here? I so badly want a face to go with these Lola stories!!
By: Dawn on Monday, February 16, 2009
at 8:45 am
“No, Mom, actually, it’s more like a ‘None of your goddamned business, and a ‘How would you like it if I asked you if you put your mouth all over Virginia’s box?’ More like one of those.”
By: Aaron on Monday, February 16, 2009
at 12:05 pm
Someone call PFLAG and set up an intervention!
And god(s) bless you for that (header?) pic you’ve got now of Nadine and Mike. First Popular, and now Twin Peaks; are you my long lost fairy brother?
By: ShuShoo on Monday, February 16, 2009
at 6:39 pm
what the fuck does she think you’re doing with him? Prayer group and tiddlywinks?
What’s her addy, I’ll send her some hot gay porn. She’ll love it.
By: didyagetthering on Monday, February 16, 2009
at 8:47 pm
AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t decide if I should be plunging skewers into my eyes or my ears. Which way will my destroy my memory of this conversation?
Which did you choose, Dirk?
By: Sarah on Monday, February 16, 2009
at 10:27 pm
I honestly don’t understand why you haven’t excised this harpy from your life.
By: Cb on Tuesday, February 17, 2009
at 12:40 pm
Sounds like Lola loves a challenge!
By: Mark in DE on Friday, February 20, 2009
at 2:49 pm
[...] to Have With Your Mother #3: “Tell mama about three-ways…” Third in a continuing series — collect ‘em [...]
By: Conversations You Never Want to Have With Your Mother #3: “Tell mama about three-ways…” « Too Disgusting to Contemplate, Too Compelling to Ignore on Friday, April 3, 2009
at 12:12 am