Once upon a time a certain gay blogger went in search of Mr. Right and in his quest for true love he met a few frogs. Okay — more than a few. A lot, actually.
But all that changed one day when he met a fella with more hair on his back then most men have on their head.
They liked comic books and action figures and science fiction and soap operas and rainbows and unicorns and…well, you get the picture.
But all was not perfect.
Nay, the gay blogger was more than a teensy bit curious about something.
Actually someone.
Someone that both he and his furry love monkey had both dated. Someone who had been a bit of a dick. Someone with an addiction to coffee.
The roots of this curiosity could be traced to the night before Christmas Eve when the gay blogger told his furry love monkey that he had gotten an HIV test and that it had come back negative which triggered the furry love monkey to respond ”I’m negative, too. I got tested about 3 months before we met and then three months ago.”
Which was just the right amount of information.
Unfortunately, it was followed by what could most accurately be described as far too much fucking information, thank-you-very-much: “I thought you’d feel better if I did. Coffee guy had me get one before we did anything.”
***RECORD SCRATCH***
Try as he might, the gay blogger could not seem to get the comment out of his mind. It lay there, growing and festering and causing him to imagine horrible things. Things involving Swedish trapeze artists, Great Danes, and strawberry flavored Cool Whip.
And so before he did anything stoopid, the gay blogger went to The Oracle his readers and asked them to put themselves in his insecure shoes and answer the following question:
Would I be wrong to ask The Fella if he and Coffee Guy had sex? And if so, would I then be wrong to ask what sort of things they did? And after that, would I be wrong to ask if Coffee Guy was any good?
And then the gay blogger sat down and waited for the answers to his questions…
Going to tell him about what you did with the two guys you were with? tell him about the blog and give him the link?
He may have dropped the comment because he wants to talk about both your past histories. To see if you’re ready to go there.
Most likely the coffee turd wanted him to get a test even before a kiss. Feels like he went out with the guy longer than you did so the supposition of progressing down the yellow brick road is probably accurate. But so what. You know he didnt arrive in your bed a virgin. He knows you also have a past. Either discuss both or neither.
By: Dennis on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 1:35 am
Does it matter? After all, he is with you now, not coffee guy.
Then again, if it is something that will make you crazy, you should probably ask.
Doesn’t it suck that there aren’t cut and dry answers for this kind of shit?
good luck whatever you decide.
By: Jennelou on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 3:04 am
Don’t be a retard. Insecurity is NOT attractive.
By: tornwordo on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 6:27 am
What’s past is past leave it there. Thank God you’re both negative and are together now. He must have done something or he wouldn’t have needed tested. Just like you do, he’ll tell you about his past when he feels comfortable doing so, don’t push it.
By: Ed on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 7:13 am
Give it up. It’s in the past, he loves YOU.
By: Summer on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 7:24 am
I know from experience that you don’t REALLY want the answers to your questions. No matter what he says, you’ll be hurt. And, honestly, your ‘worst scenario’ thoughts are undoubtedly much worse than the actual events. I would broach the subject with him; tell him you’re curious as to how involved he and coffee nut were. But PLEASE don’t ask for any details! I truly believe that the question (and quite possibly the answer) could be detrimental to ANY relationship. And like everyone else says, he’s with you now. Don’t worry….be happy!
By: catrina on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 7:43 am
Dirk, baby!
Get the fuck over it already! You keep chanting this mantra, “I don’t care if I wasn’t first, as long as I am the last.”
The past is a past for a reason! Can you change it? No. Will it make a difference in how you feel about Fuzzy Wuzzy? (Only you can answer that and if you think it will maybe you need to back up and think about things.)
I have read you for almost 3 fucking years now. I adore you. Please put on some big boy panties and realize that you are a great individual and you deserve to be happy!
Hugs…Penny
By: penny on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 7:49 am
Jesus Tap Dancing Christ…………………….
Let it alone, Dirk. You were with other people BEFORE you met him and he was with other people BEFORE he met you. We are all of a certain age and that’s just the way it is. They’re just not making 40 year old virgins anymore, it costs too much.
I think you must discipline yourself to think less of the past and concentrate on the present and your future together. No matter who was in the past, you won, Dirk. Bask in that.
By: carlnepa on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 7:55 am
What a smart young man he is. He got an HIV test before having sex you. He’s responsible and he cares about you. And you want to pry into his past personal life because why?
Leave it alone. You’re in your forties and age appropriate behavior dictates that we don’t pry into our lovers’ past lives.
By: Sarah on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 8:35 am
I’m with the others here, sweetie. Leave it alone, and be thankful he got tested, and that it was negative. He’s with you now, and really, that’s all that matters. Coffee Guy can’t be that damn good if the Fella is spending all his time with you!
By: Dawn on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 9:50 am
You don’t want to know. And it really shouldn’t matter because those things were done before the two of you even knew one another.
By: randi on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 10:27 am
Yes, yes, and yes. Do not do any of those things…
So he did it with Coffee Guy–so what? You both knew you had him in common. For all he knows, you might have done it with CG, too. It doesn’t matter now. You’re together, you’re healthy, and you’re not reading newspapers while you’re supposed to be on a date.
Besides, he’s been with YOU for the last nine months–NOT CG. Clearly, YOU have what he wants in a relationship. (As long as you open up and share things with him, that is!)
By: Aaron on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 10:42 am
I agree, Who fucking cares what they did. What purpose would it serve to know that they had hot passionate sex? Would it make you feel better or worse to know that he considers it the best sex he’s ever had? Would you like to sit at dinner and know that he fisted coffee guy like a puppeteer? Would you look at him the same if you knew he did the dirty sanchez with Coffee Guy?
I didn’t think so. Let it go boy, let it go. Or as I always like to say…
Walk it off.
By: didyagetthering on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 11:34 am
To channel my inner tired queen: “Don’t go there, girlfriend!”
If you have reason to fear STD’s (there’s a world of hurt out there other than HIV), then suggest that you BOTH go for further testing, just to be sure. Otherwise, assume he has carnal knowledge of Mr. Coffee and LET IT GO. You are on the primrose path (look it up) with this line of inquiry. He obviously chose you, so try to glory in your triumph and be secure in your own sexual prowess.
By: ShuShoo on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 11:57 am
Don’t. Ask. It reeks of desperation and insecurity… Relax, he likes ya… He loves ya in fact… Release it from your thoughts
By: Zacki on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 11:57 am
Dirkie Sweetie Honey….
Leave it alone. I know you had the big hard one for the CoffeGuy, as mental and fucked up as he was….but Tristan is a much better guy and you haven’t been happier in how long? PookieBear and I also bedded the same guy before we hooked up….it sucks, but it happens.
I have to agree with the masses…you both had relationships before, and unless you are ready to give him the down low on all of your past partners and mattress activities…leave it alone.
You seriously should ask for an increase in meds tho…cause your OCD is gonna wreak havoc on your mental state for a bit.
Love ya and breath deep….
~Y~
By: YNAGER65 on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 12:25 pm
I think you already have enough information to answer #1 yourself. Regarding #2 and #3, I don’t think it’s really any of your business. I say that in a pragmatic, understanding tone not nasty.
You guys are old enough that you aren’t each other’s first. Maybe you can compare notes someday when your both shooting the shit in rocking chairs. You: “Remember when…” Him: “Who?”
By: Gavin on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 12:26 pm
Why the fuck does it matter what he did before he met you? Have you told him about every single sexual encounter you have had? I doubt it.
We all have sexual history. What’s the big deal?
By: Dr. Sparky on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 12:41 pm
I’m going to reiterate what most people have said already….
Is it wrong? Technically, no. But do you REALLY want to know? Probably not. You think you might but what if he tells you something you don’t like? Is that going to become a deal-breaker for you? Once you ask and he tells you, you can’t un-know that information (assuming he does but if he chooses not to, how would you take that lack of a response?).
But having said that, I agree with Gavin. It’s none of your business, really (and like Gavin, it’s not meant the way it sounds). You both have histories, you both have good and bad experiences. Sometimes those things are best left in the past.
My husband and I took that same approach and we’ve been together just over 13 years now.
Just remember, he might have had sex with Coffee Guy, but he’s not with him anymore and that is what counts the most.
By: kw on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 12:52 pm
Let’s make a deal …
You ask him about his sexual history. Go for it. But in return you have to disclose the fact that you keep this blog.
All’s fair in love and full disclosure.
By: Dr. Sparky on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 1:59 pm
Who. The fuck. Cares?? He has a past. You have a past. So what if he and coffee guy fucked?? Who’s fucking who now is all that matters.
By: cb on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 4:55 pm
Honey…human nature makes us want to know.. but human nature should also tell us..there is no need, and wtf would be achieved by knowing anything?
You should grasp the concept he is with you, he loves you, he sleeps in your bed with you, and felt comfortable enough to mention a very personal detail.. “before coffee guy would do anything”. Take that for what it is, trust, confidence in the strength of his relationship with you, not as an admission to anything else.
Once you open that portal you play with fire, insecurities start multiplying, other questions form, and I am sure the ‘fella’ would be hurt, as well as you. I am sure this is the last thing you want to do.
Close your eyes, think of what you have at the moment, and ffs Dirk take it with both hands and relax and enjoy. You deserve everything this relationship is seeming to bring you. Happiness, self respect, love and I hope in the long run, acceptance that you deserve it all.
hugs Kerry
By: kerry on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 7:45 pm
Ditto to what everyone else said. Most people, at one time or another, probably have a curiosity about who their partner has been with in the past, but there really is nothing to gain. Relish in the fact that after being with other people, he’s chosen you, and not as a last or resort or as someone to be with until someone else comes along. He’s chosen you because he wants to be with you, he loves you (and you know it for certain, there’s no doubting it), that’s what matters.
By: Kathryn on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 7:58 pm
i really like your blog! you got more blogs? want to trade links with me ?
By: Camgirls on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 8:09 pm
1.no
2.yes
3.yes
You need to know your partner’s sexual history, and unless you’re writing a tell-all book about your life, you don’t need to know all the little details about who did what with whom.
By: fermat on Friday, January 30, 2009
at 9:19 pm
When people date, there is the assumption that they had sex — especially, if they are talking about having HIV tests.
Why would sex between them make you insecure? Obviously, the relationship didn’t work out with the coffee guy.
What is past is past. At some point years from now, you two will be cuddling and talking and the fella will be reminded of something, and he will laugh and say something like “remember that strange coffee guy? We used to, etc. etc…” And it will be a joke and coffee guy won’t matter.
The more important thing to concentrate on now is your relationship with the fella today.
By: Bart on Sunday, February 1, 2009
at 7:55 am