Dear Santa,
I know it’s a couple of weeks early and all, but I seriously need that Baby Alive doll I asked for. Any chance you could get that shit to me like yesterday? It’s crucial — that’s a word my lawyer keeps using — that I get my hands on one as soon as possible. I’ve been a really good girl this year and…okay, scratch that — I’ve been a complete fucking train-wreck and we both know it, but I swear on my daughter’s life if you come through for me on this I’ll totally use my employee pass to get you and the wife into Universal Studios for free.
XOXOXOXO
P.S. Truthfully (haha) I think you kinda owe me after that Karate Choppin’ G.I Joe with Neck Breakin’ Action I got stiffed on last Christmas (totally don’t need that any more).
I don’t know what kind of mind finds any of this amusing, but it’s clear from this that you are a sick man. How can you find humor in the murder of a child and the unraveling of a family?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Dirk says: …don’t know if you’re living in a cave (or in one of those polygamist compounds where you don’t much news except for “The End is Nigh” updates), but life is pretty dark, Carolyn. And I’m one of those people who finds humor in every situation, no matter how sad or depressing. Call it a defense mechanism. As for the unraveling family business, that shit was rolling along just fine on its own without anyone’s help. You can’t enable someone Casey and not except a mega-jackpot payoff. Just my opinion.
By: Carolyn on Friday, December 12, 2008
at 12:08 pm
OMG Dirk you crack me up! I love reading your ramblings.
But seriously, I got a “Baby Alive” doll for Christmas about 35 years ago! She was awesome and came with packets of food and a real bottle. She really was like a real baby.
Not unlike Caylee Anthony, my Baby Alive met an untimely end when we left for Israel for a month, Upon our return I discovered my “Baby Alive” covered with maggots from the unchanged diaper and high heat in the garage.
Maybe this isn’t a good time to bring up my experience with my Baby Alive…
Dirk says: …yours is not the first Baby Alive story I’ve heard that ended badly. I guess our mothers were right when they said “don’t play with your food.”
By: janice on Friday, December 12, 2008
at 12:49 pm
That wacko had a custody battle a few months before baby vanished. She vowed she would never give up baby Casey alive. But to tape it’s little mouth shut and drown it like a rat. Hell is to good for her.
The family unraveled itself, me, Dirk nor the man in the moon had anything to do with it. The sick b*tch has only herself to blame.
Welcome back, Dirk, I missed you like my next heartbeat.
Dirk says: ..thanks, Ed. There’s no disputin’ Casey Anthony has got some problems, but I hope the court doesn’t buy into an insanity plea. If that is lil Caylee that they found, it seems to me that mama acted with a pretty precise plan (her internet research alone suggests someone who was looking for a definite means to an end) — nothing about it smacks of the actions of a woman who just snapped one day.
By: Ed on Friday, December 12, 2008
at 1:43 pm
I meant little Caylee. I was so excited our Dirk is blogging again that my old brain got confused so sue me. I wonder how Casey’s mother feels after supporting her but that is her job.
By: Ed on Friday, December 12, 2008
at 1:47 pm
Love ya, Dirk, but this isn’t humorous to me. It’s just very, very sad.
Dirk says: …I agree with you that it’s a very sad case no matter how you look at it, but I’ve always been a firm believer in the old equation of “tragedy X time = comedy.” And that, coupled with a real lack of social skills has led to some very uncomfortable moments when I’ve made a crack that I know was funny but left others slack jawed and clucking their tongues at the poor tacky faggot.
By: catrina on Friday, December 12, 2008
at 2:12 pm
I’m glad to see you posting again, too.
I haven’t seen any official news about this case, but have seen lots about it on various personal blogs. From what I gather, this b!tch is seriously warped and needs desperately to be put away forever.
We had one here in SC a few years ago. Damn, more than 10 years now! Susan Smith drowned her little boys in a lake by strapping them into carseats and pushing the car into the lake. She then claimed they had been kidnapped. It didn’t take long for the truth to come out, but there was a nationwide search for the boys for a few days. She’s rotting in prison for the rest of her life. As a matter of fact, she’s just down the road from me. My humble town is home to one of the maximum security women’s prisons in our state, and Susan Smith is hanging out in this location.
Dirk says: …may I suggest you take a little time and read up on the unbelievable Casey/Caylee saga? If this shit was on a soap opera, people would declare it totally out of the scope of possibility. Also, I recommend watching my beloved Nancy Grace who put it best when she said “you put lipstick on a pig.”
By: javabear on Friday, December 12, 2008
at 2:47 pm
While I have avoided the near nightly Nancy Grace coverage of this horror because I just can’t handle stories about people harming children, I gotta give props for the very dark satire presented here today. I’m not LOLing over it but I get it and I think she deserves the ridicule being served up.
Dirk says: …I don’t condone the harming of anyone, but after nearly 6 months of this circus, the entire case has taken on its own unique sense of the absurd. Just when I think Casey or her parents can’t top themselves, they do. It’s like watching the world’s biggest familial trainwreck televised and God help me, I’m addicted. Best homocidal soap opera parody EVER.
By: Sarah on Friday, December 12, 2008
at 3:50 pm
Have to admit I had no idea what this post was about (except that it concerned the white trash). Comments helped clear my confusion.
Woman is crazy. Give her the trial and throw her in jail but please keep it off the news.
Found the perfect Christmas card for you except I dont know your address: Three wise men, manger etc – One of the wise men says “I have a tortilla at home that looks like this kid”.
Dirk says: …you didn’t know who Casey Anthony was? Dennis, Dennis, Dennis…
By: Dennis on Friday, December 12, 2008
at 5:46 pm
Been following this story on Nancy Grace myself and was so sad yesterday when Caylee was found. I know her mother did it but I had that little less than 1% hope that maybe she was alive somewhere. Casey should be taped up with duct tape stuffed in a bag herself. I cannot imagine looking your child in the eyes, killing her and putting her in a trash bag. A sane person doesn’t do that but like you I hope she doesn’t use the insanity plea.
Oh and I “get it”
By: Summer on Friday, December 12, 2008
at 8:10 pm
Knew about her but was ignorant of the gist of the post. The woman is obviously crazy. If she doesnt plead insane her lawyer is also crazy.
By: Dennis on Friday, December 12, 2008
at 11:10 pm
This shit was unbelievable, you just know some things in your gut and this woman killed her little girl. I would give my left arm (because I’m a rightie) to have a child of my own and this twisted bitch does this.
By: Jer on Saturday, December 13, 2008
at 7:47 am
First off, why is it that whenever some self-righteous hen criticizes your posts, they all have mid-century names like “Carolyn,” “Prissy” or “Brenda Jane?” And why do they waste their time trawling the Internet when, surely, they have more important things to do like darning socks and rinsing the vomit out of their gingham pinafores? (LOVED the “polygamist compound” response, BTW…probably more apropos than we realize.)
Secondly, I’ve always personally felt that when you “put lipstick on a pig,” you get Nancy Grace. Every time I see her barking on TV, I want to throw her a Milk Bone. I can’t wait until SHE unravels, so that Tori Spelling can be cast in the substantive made-for-Lifetime-TV biopic. But maybe we can agree to disagree, like on the Phyllis Summers-Abbott-Newman issue…to each his own, and all that.
Finally, I didn’t see anything distasteful about this post. Compared to what was done to that little girl, nothing else comes close on the Indigno-meter (patent pending). The deed is done (probably by the smirking bitch pictured at the bottom), so save your spleen for her. I’m sure she’d enjoy it with some lima beans and a nice jugged zinfandel…
By: Aaron on Saturday, December 13, 2008
at 1:15 pm
Now now, don’t rush to conclusions–the trial is still underway and there’s been new evidence uncovered. After all, it could have been OJ.
By: Josh on Saturday, December 13, 2008
at 4:17 pm