Selected excerpts from this weekend’s blowout with Lola.

***RING RING***

Dirk:  Hello?
Lola:  I know what’s going on — you’re with that guy, aren’t you?
Dirk:  Yes.
Lola:  Do you love him?
Dirk:  Yes.*
Lola:  Then stay with him.  I’m done with you.  Keep your ass away from me.

***Click***

Determined to put this shit to bed once and for all, I went over to Lola’s where Round 2 took place.

Lola: This is all I need — people telling me they’ve seen you hanging on men and kissing all over them in public.
Dirk: If you had clue one how fucking stupid that just sounded…  I have never done anything — ANYTHING — to embarrass you or myself. 
Lola: You’re queer!  You don’t think that’s embarrassing?!?!?
Dirk: Actually, no…I don’t.
Lola: Go to a goddamn doctor and get yourself fixed!
Dirk: Fixed?  Like a vasectomy?
Lola: No — like a psychiatrist and get some drugs that will make you a real man and want a woman!
Dirk: I’ve seen a shrink.  3 to be exact, and there’s nothing wrong with me.  Homosexuality isn’t a mental illness.
Lola: Oh, so this is all my fault. 
Dirk: What?
Lola: I carried you funny in the womb.  The doctor told me…
Dirk: What?!?  There’s no fault here, mom.  There’s nothing wrong with me. 
Lola (crying): Yes, there is.

So I left for a while before Round 3.

Lola: This is why DuShawn doesn’t want anything to do with you, isn’t it?
Dirk: Mom, I can’t presume to speak for DuShawn…
Lola: I talked to him.  He feels like you’ve shut him out.  This guy has brain washed you  into shutting all of us out.  He wants to keep you where he can control you.  That’s how those older queers are…they get a younger man under their thumb so they have someone to take care of them when they get old because they didn’t have any kids!
Dirk: Yeah, well hate to shoot that theory down, but Tristan is 8 years younger than me.
Lola (bursting into tears): Jesus Christ!  You couldn’t find another queer your age, you have to go messing around with a kid…?!?!  What else haven’t you told me?
Dirk: Kid?  Last time I checked 34 was not a “kid,” mom.
Lola (sobbing angrily): You have an answer for every fucking thing I say!  You don’t want to listen to reason or see what a mess you’re making of your goddamn life!  He doesn’t love you — he’ll leave your ass and then you’ll want to come back to me and DuShawn and act like nothing ever happened.  Well, that ain’t gonna happen!  We’re done with you!  Get the fuck out!  I don’t want to see you again!

All in all, a pretty rockin’ awesome Saturday afternoon.  And Sunday was even better.
__________

* Before anyone makes a single comment, let me say that in retrospect I too was taken aback when I answered that question in the affirmative without even a moment’s hesitation.  Replaying the conversation in my head on the way over to Lola’s, I realized that, for better or worse, I really do love Tristan.  Of course, I’m not going to tell him that any time soon – if ever.  Maybe I’m old fashioned, but 6 months doesn’t really seem long enough to know someone and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you love them.  Oh sure, in books and movies the ol’ lovebug comes up right behind you and smacks you upside the head within moments of meeting your destined soulmate, but thanks to the relationships I’ve been in, I’m realistic enough to know that there is “like,” ”deep affection,” and “love.”  And then there’s “loving someone and being smart enough to realize those feelings aren’t always returned in kind.”

I think we all know which camp I fall squarely in the middle of.