Yes, I know I’m a huge pussy, but could you find it in your heart to help me any way…?
Without going into an explanation, suffice it to say that the catalyst that led to the end of the relationship between Michael and myself was profoundly disturbing and left me with some serious questions about the sort of situations I allow myself to be put in and the possible dangers inherent to them.
So it was a bit disconcerting this morning as I sat here feeling somewhat positive about recent events in my life and thinking maybe there was a chance I could find a reasonable facsimile of contentment when I saw that Michael had sent me an e-mail.
I manuevered my mouse to “delete”.
And paused.
Curiosity killed the cat, folks.
Only satisfaction brought it back.
So I opened it.
Bad move.
It started out simply enough: I’ve been promoted, I’ve moved, blah blah blah. You know, the usual stuff you tell someone you haven’t been in touch with for a while. But like any good trap, it used its seeming innocuousness to lure you into a false sense of security before springing out catching you unawares.
This particular snare came in the closing lines of the e-mail:
Are you ready to begin being confident enough to be unsure again? Like me, you want quality in your life. Let’s take some time to explore where we lost our thread and find our way back to one another. I understand the part of you that no one else ever will and we both know you like where I can take you.
And even though I don’t want to get back together, I don’t know how to tell him that I’ve moved on and met someone else. It’s not that I think he’d do anything; I have have no fears in that regard. No, it is something most of you will find even more bizarre, I think.
It’s that despite what went down I don’t want to hurt him.
And before anyone asks — no, I’m not still in love with him. But underneath this bitchy exterior, I’ve never been one to purposely hurt someone, especially someone I once cared for.
So I’m asking you guys: how can I tell him that I’ve met someone else without sounding like a heartless bastard…?
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Dirk Mancuso is a perpetually single 42 year old gay guy who loves DVDs, action figures, comic books, and shiny stuff. You should be his boyfriend. Unless you’re a girl — then you should be his hag.
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** record scratch **
“I’ve moved on and met someone else.”
Let’s start with that!
“No, thank you.” That’s all you have to write and then block him from your email. He’s not offering you anything of substance. It’s a come on. You don’t have to be rude about turning him down but you don’t have to be nice about it either. He hasn’t opened his heart to you so he won’t be hurt. Michael is a big, mean boy. He’ll move on to someone else he can hurt.
Take care of the relationship your in now and don’t look back.
“without sounding like a heartless bastard…?”
Oh, you mean like him? The man who strung you along and used you for sexual enjoyment and became brusque and bitchy when you showed signs of needing more?? Well, lordy, lordy, you sure wouldn’t want to offend him now, would you?
I doubt he’s capable of being hurt. There’s no conscience there and no emotional involvement whatsoever. There will be no “sting of rejection” for him, just the momentary inconvenience of not knowing where to shove his johnson. And his writing sounds like a really bad Hallmark card or a penny-saver astrology column.
I’m with Gavin, just say you’ve moved on, met someone else and you wish him the best in his new position, because you won’t be there to watch him bend himself into it.
(OK, you can leave off that last part–I just couldn’t resist.)
His whole thing sounded like a sex come on to me. I personally dont think you would hurt him regardless of what you said. I just think he is fishing. Yuck. Just ignore.
Cut and paste Gavin’s statement. Don’t put much blow-softening stuff before it. Hit enter and give yourself a big pat on the back. Karma works, even if somewhat slowly.
I agree with Alex. Use Gavin’s statement and leave it at that…
P.S. ((HUGS))
That is the biggest load of double-speak I’ve read in for-ev-uh, with a big helping of smarmy. Do you not realize he’s trying to errode your self esteem? But because you’re you and have a heart three sizes too big for your chest I’d say something like:
“Thanks so much for being concerned with my confidence. I know it’ll make you happy to know I’ve found someone who does wonders for it. Fond wishes and farewell.”
The fact that you want to respond so as not to hurt him just means that you want to do just that: hurt him. If you really have moved on - just dont respond. Minimal pain on both sides and he thinks that you added his email address to your filter.
Feel like your last few post are like teasers for next weeks TV show. First you’re all paranoid and cleaning. Then you follow it up with a couple of hints of a new guy. Enough of the ankle. Show some calf if not thigh.
Each time you respond to him, regardless of the message, you are just feeding the beast.
Delete
Delete
Delete
I totally agree with everyone else. Too little, too late for him.
Hmmmm….how would I deal with this…Oh yeah, the way I’m going to advise you to deal with it…
hit DELETE and fuggettaboutit
Yes, Michael, like you I want quality in my life so that leaves you out doesn’t it? Tell him it is time to break the thread and move on. Send him an e-mail and say, “Oh God, not you again!”
Actually, the only way to handle it so as not to hurt him is to ignore all his Bull shit and just tell him all about your new guy. When he asks for a threesome, that is when you:DELETE! DELETE! DELETE!!!
Thought you (and the readers of your blog) would like cooperscorridor.blogspot.com. Guy can write.
An ex is an ex for a reason! This has helped me more times than once! Hugs…
Delete the e-mail and go one step further…block his e-mail address. At least, that’s what I would do.
I understand why you’d want to reply. Take the high road, tell him thanks for your “concern” but I’m not available. Then block his e-mails.
If Michael ever cared the least bit for you, he’d want you to be happy. Tell him you’re happier than you’ve ever been. Tell him it was nice to hear from him, and you hope he finds half the joy you have now. Wish him luck and tell him goodbye. Then block all future e-mails from him. You’ve thrown out the bad memories, don’t chance making new ones.
I say you go with your 1st instinct which was to hit the delete button. End of story.
If you write ANYTHING back to him, there’s no guarantee that it won’t somehow be misinterpreted. Remove all possibility of that by not responding. Delete the message and try to forget about it.
Mark
Try, “I’ve met someone else and have moved on”. That would be a start. I could then think of some other choice things to say to him. But then again, that’s just me.
I think you deserve to be a little heartless.
Fuck him. I’d just delete it. Or maybe send him a terse “I’ve moved on and its high time you do the same”.
For fuck’s sake, you just purged your life of 17 hefty bags of shit. Can’t he be bag # 18?
Oh, yeah, bag #18! I like that thought.
I wouldn’t even say you have met someone else. Just say you’ve moved on and have less than no desire to get together with him. Or something like that.
Honestly, to give him any different message would be more hurtful to both of you. Assuming he has any kind of heart that could be hurt (we all have our doubts about that) you would be doing more harm to give him any indication that you might still be interested in ANY kind of relationship with him, even friendship. With guys like him, under circumstances like that, there can be no friendship. Trust me on this one. Please.
A tiger cannot change his stripes. I agree with the rest of the commenters. Just cut to the chase and tell him that you’ve moved on.
Oh for God’s sakes, you pansy ass (I’m trying to sound like Lola)stay away from this asshat. You don’t owe him a response AT ALL. Why the hell would you even want to go there again? You say you don’t want to hurt him but you sure as hell are gearing up to get to that whipping block again. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM. DO NOT RESPOND. THIS IS YOU MOTHER MIND SPEAKING. That is all.
Silence is golden.