…so of course I stole borrowed it. Thanks, Torn!

HAVE YOU EVER…

1. Taken a picture completely naked?
Um, well…do bondage pics count? ‘Cause technically with the cuffs and other gear, I wasn’t really nekkid…

2. Made out with a friend from MySpace/Facebook?
No — I have no friends on either one that I know of.

3. Danced in front of your mirror naked?
No. I try not be naked or looking at myself naked whenever possible. Going snowblind is not high on my list of things to experience.

4. Told a lie?
As a kid, but I sucked hard at it. As an adult, I think my weird compulsion to tell the truth is well documented by now.

5. Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?
I think the bigger question would be have I ever had feelings for someone who actually returned them in kind…

6. Been arrested?
No. I have a deep abiding fear of jail/prison.

7. Made out with someone of the same sex?
Um, being gay pretty much requires this.

8. Seen someone die?
Yes, I have sat with 2 people while their life support was turned off.

9. Slept in until 5 P.M.?
Probably in college once or twice.

10. Had sex at work?
No — never dip my pen in company ink.

11. Fallen asleep at work/school?
Oh hell yes.

12. Held a snake?
Oh hell no.

13. Ran a red light?
Actually have gone through a yellow that turned red as I was crossing through intersection and felt really guilty for doing so. I’m such a boy scout — if they allowed cock suckers in their little club, that is.

14. Been suspended from school?
No, but I spent a lot of time in the Dean’s office and was “invited” to graduate early my senior year since everyone was unhappy.

15. Wrecked your car in an accident?
Knock wood, I’ve been very lucky in this respect.

16. Pole danced?
Um, no way, no how.

17. Smoked?
Nope.

18. Been fired from a job?
Once again — knock wood — no.

19. Sang karaoke?
Oh, if you give me enough licquor, I’, a singing fool.

20. Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?
Yep. And it usually involves my mouth and a cock…

21. Laughed until a drink came out of your nose?
Yes, and it burns like a son-of-a-bitch.

22. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Is there anyone who hasn’t?

23. Kissed in the rain?
No, but it seems appropriate for the way all my relationships have gone.

24. Sang in the shower?
Damn near every day.

25. Given your private parts a nickname?
Not unless you count Mr. Mic.

26. Ever gone out without underwear?
During my more adventurous nights out in Chicago…

27. Sat on a rooftop?
Nope.

28. Broken a bone?
Back in college, I broke the end off my humerus. The doctors misdiagnosed it as a sprain and put it in a sling. While trying to use it over the course of the following 2 weeks, I broke fragments off the jagged end and those got stuck in my rotator cuff. I ended up having a plate and 4 screws put in and wearing my arm strapped to my chest for 6 weeks.

29. Mooned/flashed someone?
Nope. No one needs to see my ass.

30. Shaved your head?
No, I’m not nearly cool enough to attempt this. I did have a buzzcut most of last summer though. (And was informed I have a horse face which is not conducive to such a doo…)

31. Slept naked?
Every night in the summer.

32. Played a prank on someone?
Yes — especially ones that leave the victim shell shocked and near tears. If I can achieve that, my work is done.

33. Had a gym membership?
Yes, but I feel terribly inadeqaute around other men so I let it lapse.

34. Felt like killing someone?
No. I’m actually about as non-violent as you can get. Plus, I couldn’t live with the guilt.

35. Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry?
No — they have to really care for you for you to have that much power.

36. Cried over someone you were in love with?
That has pretty much been a standing prerequisite for any relationship I’ve been in.

37. Had sex more than 10 times in one day?
No. Has anyone ever done that (while not under the influence of crack or being pimped out)?

38. Had Mexican Jumping Beans for pets?
Ewwwww — I heard there were bugs in there trying to get out. No way.

39. Been in a band?
No. I don’t like loud music so that would be a dumb move.

40. Subscribed to Maxim?
I won’t even dignify this one with an answer. Next…

41. Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol?
I have never had alcohol in shot form.

42. Shot a gun?
No — guns scare the living shit out of me. And if you’d ever seen someone shot, you’d feel the same way, too.

43. Had sex today?
Unless this is April 20th, no.

44. Played strip poker?
No, but I once palyed Strip Aggravation. Does that count for anything?

45. Tripped on mushrooms?
I’ve never even smoked pot. It’s the gay boy scout in me again. (That sounded really bad, didn’t it?)

46. Donated blood?
No way. I pass out when they HAVE to do a blood test. No way I am ponying up on my own.

47. Video-taped yourself having sex?
No, but I have considered it a time or ten…

48. Eaten alligator meat?
Get real…

49. Eaten frog legs?
See above.

50. Ever jump out of an airplane?
No — but it’s on my To-Do List…right after “eat pussy and play with some real big titties.”

51. Have you been to more than 10 countries?
No. I’ve never been out of this one.

52. Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend?
Um, they’re “friends” and not “lovers” for a reason…