So there I was laying in bed, talking to this hypnokink guy from gay.com around 4:40am this morning when I thought I heard the headboard start to rattle ever so slightly.
That’s weird, I thought — that usually doesn’t happen with a guy until we’re both in the same room and one of us is getting his ass pounded.
Suddenly the whole bed began to shake ever so slightly and I could hear the house creaking.
“Damn!” I cried, “I think the whole house just shook!”
“Shut up! I was just going to say the same thing!”
We were both silent as a brief second wave came and went, car alarms sounding in the distance.
“That was amazing,” Hypnokink said a few moments later. “Now are you convinced you need to be sucking my cock? I mean seriously dude, if I can make the earth move for you over the phone imagine what I could do for you when we’re in the same room…”
Damn, I’m so pissed I MISSED the whole fucking earthquake! I can’t believe I slept through a fucking earthquake! I hope we never get another tornado up here, or I’m fucked.
And how trite is it for people to use signs of Armageddon as pickup lines? SOOOOO 1985…
By: Aaron on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 9:13 am
Yeah, I slept through it too. I haven’t talked to HD yet but he was up the time so he may have. But he probably wouldn’t have thought anything of it since we have train tracks less then a quarter mile away and they’re always banging into each other making all kinds of noise and every now and then the house actually rattles with it.
By: Katrina on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 10:02 am
That was God telling you to stop but fucking.
By: Brooke on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 10:16 am
That was God telling you to stop but fucking.
By: Brooke on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 10:18 am
Brooke, maybe it was God telling you to go swallow drain cleaner…
Seriously though Dirk, in regards to your story, THAT was a good line…
By: tigeryogiji on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 10:29 am
Stay classy, Brooke.
Props on the pickup line. Heeelarious.
By: randi on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 10:44 am
Dirk, you made hypnokink’s house shake too. (and mine) We just had an aftershock but I was in Wal-Mart so I didn’t feel anything this time. I’m closer to the epicenter than most of you I think. I know it scared the bejesus out of me when I woke up and thought somebody was jumping up and down on my bed. Nobody has actually been in that bed but me. I had just watched “I am Legend” the evening before and was having a nightmare about those hairless crazies. All they wanted to do was eat me, and not in the good way. Thank God Dirk wasn’t on an elevator when the shaking started up.
By: Ed on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 10:54 am
I’m missing everything cool!
By: Sarah on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 11:14 am
I was thinking of you when I saw that on the news. I was in California for 20 years so I’m used to it; must have been freaky not expecting it.
By: Gavin on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 11:23 am
Hand to God: I am hearing on the radio that it wasn’t an earthquake…I can’t believe that the guy isn’t laughing as he is saying this…what happened was, according to Russian sources, that there is a rogue air force base in Illinois, Scott Air Base, that has decided to send nuclear bombers to Iran and every time they try and take off the non-rogue air force shoots them down. So the earthquake is just a cover up and was actually a nuclear bomber crashing to the ground.
I might have fallen for the abortion art story but I’m pretty sure this isn’t true.
By: Sarah on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 11:45 am
With a pickup line like that, I’ve had his cock in my mouth before you could say ‘richter scale’.
By: cb on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 1:39 pm
im sorry, the line was hilarious-at least you know he has a sense of humour.
im in canada so im lucky i didnt feel a thing. I didnt even hear it on the news..
By: KBear on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 1:42 pm
Dirk! Are we neighbors!?
Have I hit on you on gay.com before!? I am a pocket gay, but I haven’t been online in months…. Still…
Hmmm.
By: seriouslyflippant on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 2:31 pm
Hey Dirk, what is wrong with a pocket gay? Remember how much fun Will had on his date with Kim? At first he made fun of his micro-date and called him a wind up toy but Kim won him over with love and affection. God I miss Will & Grace. If the ground shakes again, Pocket Gay might be there to lighten up your sleepless nights.
Hey Brooke, let me help you finish both of your sentences: That was God telling you to stop, but fucking is so much fun. There you go sweetie.
By: Ed on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 3:21 pm
What’s a pocket gay?
I’ve heard of pocket pals (a toy), pocket lint (some crap in your pocket) but I know not of this concept.
Please educate a lazy hag.
By: jalishouse on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 3:25 pm
If a man said that to me, there would have been instantaneous panty dropping. No Kidding.
By: Chrissy on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 6:02 pm
A pocket gay as noted by Jack McFarland on Will & Grace is a man small enough to fit in your pocket. Jack said, “some day they’ll all come that way”. Actually it is a small man of less than 5′7″ and slim.
By: Ed on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 7:54 pm
I love the line he used….I mean, come on, you’ve gotta give him points for trying.
And you were on the phone with him at 4:40? He must be interesting on some level.
By: Me on Friday, April 18, 2008
at 8:04 pm
I was so tired this morning and was just finishing my day, I think the whole house could have fallen down and I wouldn’t have noticed. I hope you were having fun chatting. He sounds great.
By: Maddog on Saturday, April 19, 2008
at 12:46 am
Thanks, Ed, for the pocket gay definition. I was curious, too.
Dirk, that was a great line, IMHO. And he came up with it spur of the moment, so he’s got something going on upstairs, too. So what if he’s a pocket gay? Maybe not everything is pocket sized, KWIM?
Were you on the phone with him at 4:40 am because you still aren’t sleeping?
By: Java on Saturday, April 19, 2008
at 2:17 pm
So you caused the earthquake? Figures
By: Steve Rebooted on Saturday, April 19, 2008
at 11:44 pm
[...] guy, but he uses the Lord’s name in vain, too much Lastly, I’d considered this guy, but he causes earthquakes (and that scares me). Explore posts in the same categories: 2008, Blogging, Defying Despondency, [...]
By: Book Meme « Steve Rebooted on Sunday, April 20, 2008
at 3:16 pm
Best. Line. Ever.
By: josh on Sunday, April 20, 2008
at 8:23 pm
Brooke, why is it always God telling everyone other than the evangelicals something? Maybe it’s YOU he’s trying to send a warning to.
By: Ron on Monday, April 21, 2008
at 10:17 am