Most of my day yesterday was spent listening to OCD Joe who is currently going through some major growing pains due to being transferred out of his former area (where he worked for the fabulous Ava). As longtime readers know, Joe doesn’t do well with change — actually it would be more accurate to say that OCD Joe does very poorly with change of any sort.

So the recent development leaving him under the supervision of Tony (a.k.a. Templeton thanks to his diminutive size and build and uncanny resemblance to the rat in the cartoon version of CHARLOTTE’S WEB. Add to this a less than stellar work ethic which is fine for him but which he doesn’t tolerate in those he oversees and you can see how he came up short in both the nickname department as well as office popularity polls) has amped up Joe’s feelings of persecution and driven him to the one person in the building that he feels understands him.

Dirk Mancuso.

It started early as I was attempting to complete an audit. Joe came up chattering away, unable to finish a coherent thought without jumping into an epiphany he’d just had before that too escaped his focus and he segued into the next real or imagined slight thrown his way.

“I don’t know how the saying goes but it goes something like ‘you can’t plow a field with your mind.’ And I know that’s true — I have to take action…” he said at one point.

“I think the best action you can take is to do your job to your greatest ability and let your work speak for you. Quit focusing on Tony and Janet and everyone else over there.”

“Yeah…yeah! You’re saying take the high road and not let negativity shackle me. I like that, I like that a lot…”

And with that, he went wandering off…only to return a half hour later.

“I turned in some paperwork to that new girl Christina, right? And she called me and told me I had to redo it. What’s that? I’m not redoing it — I already did it once. That’s what I told her. ‘I already did it once — if you want it redone, do it yourself.’ That’s what I told her. And then she says that Tony looked at it and told her to tell me to redo it. What’s that? I don’t deal with middle men — that’s what I told her.”

“Joe — you can NOT refuse to do something a supervisor tells you to do. That’s grounds for a coaching…”

“See, I knew you’d say that, but I figured something out: I went to Randy the other day and I was talking to him about all of this and I got loud and he said ‘Hey! You don’t yell at me!” and then I said I was sorry and I think that ushered in a new era of greatness for us…one with an open door and a lack of hostility, you know what I’m saying? So if Tony yells at me, I’m going to tell him ‘Hey! You don’t yell at me!’ and I’ll just be using the same policy that Randy uses. And then there’s nothing he can do and then if he says ‘you get in the office NOW!’, I’m going to refuse on the grounds that I am uncomfortable and I want representation in the form of our immediate supervisor and then with Randy in there, he can’t yell because if he does, I’ll just gesture — that would be good, right? just gesturing at him? — I’ll just gesture and say nothing but it will be understood that I am not receptive to the angry tones being directed my way. What do you think?”

I stared at him, completely speechless. Joe has that effect on me a lot. That and blinding migraines.

“You have to do what is best for you, Joe,” I replied, choosing my words carefully so as not to invite more mind numbing ramblings. “But I’m going to tell you that in he workplace — and life in general — you’re going to encounter a lot of people you don’t like and a lot of policies you don’t agree with. What you need to do is decide which ones are worth all this stress you’re carrying around and which ones aren’t. I hate 97% of the shit that goes on around here, Joe — but I refuse to let anyone else fuck with my head and affect my job. And when I leave here, all the shit here stays here — I don’t take it home and obsess.”

OCD Joe stood there for a really long time, picking at his fingers, opening his mouth to speak, then closing it. Finally, he leaned in close, his eyes squinting as if to see something feint in the distance. “So what you’re saying is I need to decide which battles are worth the fight and which ones I can let go of without bearing the scars of the negative impact would leave upon my psyche?”

I exhaled loudly. “Exactly, Joe. Now I need to get back to work and so do you.”

For the next 5 hours, I didn’t see or hear from Joe. The thought that I might have finally at long last broken through and helped him in some way gave me a sense of accomplishment I rarely feel.

As he was leaving at the end of the day, Joe stopped by my work area, a serene smile plastered on his face.

“His focus is legendary.”

Joe stood there nodding, his smile growing by the second.

“Underneath a storm of pressure he ignores doubt and pays no attention to failure.” Joe raised his eyebrows raised. “That’s because he can only see one thing: the win.”

“Wow, Joe — that’s impressive.” I’ll admit my chest was swelling with pride at that moment.

Joe smiled, nodding. “Words to live by, Dirk. I saw the light today.”

Joe reached into his coat pocket, extracted a piece of paper which he handed to me, then ambled off.

I watched as he walked through the doors, then turned my attention turned to the paper he’d given me. I unfolded it and started laughing.

Turned out I wasn’t the budding Dr. Phil I thought I was.

No, after nearly 3 years of my very best efforts to try and help him find a way to cope in the workplace, Joe had finally found the inspiration he so desperately needed on the back of a fucking Gatorade wrapper.

Sigh.

Oh well, wounded pride be damned — if it helps Joe get through the day, more power to the makers of flavorless sports drinks and the folks who write their ad copy.