Today I received an e-mail from Amazon.com informing me that an item I had ordered had been returned as undeliverable. Which seems odd to me since the other 7 items in my order made it to me without a problem.
The reason this particular item could not reach me?
“Address problems or delivery restrictions associated with the items or shippers being sent to prison.”
What the fuck?
There’s another Dirk Mancuso — and he’s in prison?
And this incarcerated Dirk as well as other people in prison can order from Amazon.com?
They can butcher their pregnant wife because they’ve never heard of divorce or kill a family of seven and their Russian wolfhound with a can of Drano, a box of paperclips and a Barbie Dreamhouse, and then totally use the intranets to purchase all manner of goodies?
I find this incomprehensible.
But I do take comfort that some fucked up asshole who “accidentally killed his mom with a steel girder while hopped up on meth and the Dew” didn’t get my CAPTAIN AMERICA – RED MENACE Vol 2.
Wow. Even your doppleganger is fascinating. You’re my hero.
By: jimsmuse on Monday, March 24, 2008
at 1:43 pm
I hope you never get his porn subscriptions.
By: Sarah on Monday, March 24, 2008
at 1:46 pm
Believe me, I know the damage that can be done with a Barbie Dreamhouse.
But THAT’S a story for another time…
By: tigeryogiji on Monday, March 24, 2008
at 2:32 pm
Just as long as you don’t encounter him on gay.com
By: Steve Rebooted on Monday, March 24, 2008
at 3:17 pm
Dirk, your prison twin needs reading material. Don’t worry they inspect all packages the Offenders order before delivering it to them. The Milwaukee Saws-all power saw that cuts through solid steel didn’t have any banned material hidden with it so I’m sure it will be fine. They better not try to sneak in packs of cigarettes. The Offenders with a life sentence ain’t getting out early by dying of cancer. My cousin is a prison guard, the stories he can tell!
By: Ed on Monday, March 24, 2008
at 3:46 pm
The text of that email confuses me a bit. Is the receiver (i.e. Dirk Mancuso) or the shipper (Amazon? or a private subcontractor?) in prison? Did you order this item new from Amazon, or used from one of their many used merchandise distributors? Perhaps the person who originally owns this Captain America – Red Menace No. 2 is the one in prison and is therefore not able to sell or send to you this most valuable volume of literature.
Dirk says: …it was a graphic novel I ordered directly from Amazon, no third party seller involved.
By: Java on Monday, March 24, 2008
at 5:03 pm
“I hope you never get his porn subscriptions.”
But if you DO, we want to see SCANS…
By: Aaron on Tuesday, March 25, 2008
at 8:31 am
Thank goodness he didn’t get your coffee table photo books of the male nudes.
I would have searched that prison out for the books. Hopefully you’ll get the other items soon, along with a logical explanation as to what went wrong.
But having an evil twin sounds kinda neat.
By: Steven on Tuesday, March 25, 2008
at 8:50 am
Ask Paul…he might be able to infiltrate the ‘Zon system, or at least he may know if Amazon would ship to prisons.
If the other Dirk really is in prison, maybe the two of you can become pen pals.
By: Kathryn on Tuesday, March 25, 2008
at 9:54 am
Careful what you wish for, Aaron. There is some porn that features naked ladies.
By: Sarah on Tuesday, March 25, 2008
at 10:22 am
It’s a storyline. The evil one.
The other Dirkie Poo, who I meet one day, believing that it’s you, only to realize that after my offer to watch the movie ‘Office Space’ is declined, there must be something wrong since I know that the real Dirk would be willing to watch that great movie with me. Once he reaches for my breast I scream, “Imposter! Unhand me!”. He complies immediately, knowing that with just a few words from me to his evil parole officer, he might be sent back to the big house where there is no conditioner available so that “clean” must suffice instead of “clean and shiny” and he’s very particular when it comes to his hair.
By: jalishouse on Tuesday, March 25, 2008
at 2:16 pm
“There is some porn that features naked ladies.”
*GAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAH!* Thanks for the warning, Sarah!
By: Aaron on Tuesday, March 25, 2008
at 2:50 pm
Is that Dirk Mancusos… or Dirk Mencuso?
By: josh on Wednesday, March 26, 2008
at 6:04 pm