Carly slipped me a couple of Reese’s Peanut Butter Bunnies mid morning so I am on a fucking sugar high the likes of which has not been seen since the epic “look at my tally wacker — I’m naked!” Cadbury Egg overdose of two thousand aught six. And with that visual parading through your head, I’m just going to throw out what’s on my mind:

~ I am so pissed at the BIG BROTHER houseguests after last night’s episode. They totally had the perfect chance to backdoor Matt and then blew the whole fucking deal. First of all, NEVER include too many people when you are plotting to backdoor someone. Second of all, they should’ve approached Ryan one hour to 45 minutes before the POV competition and made their “2 weeks free from nomination” offer. Third, why, why, WHY would you ever tell fucking Sheila or Natalie anything? Jesus Christ, people — telegraph, telephone, tell a psycho. Sweet mother of God — are they so bored they are eating the lead based paint off the walls to pass the time in there? (Personal aside to Joshuah — you are adorable and your eyebrows are driving me fucking crazy. Now please lose that second “h” and call me when you get home.) Oh yeah, and did I mention how much I loathe “Matty”? ‘Cause I do.

~ What the fuck is Direct TV thinking with those retarded commercials featuring comedian (and I use the word VERY loosely) Frank Caliendo? If they were thinking “let’s hire a guy with no appeal to actually make our product as unappealing as possible” then I suppose it’s mission accomplished, guys.

~ LOST. Theories anyone? Tomorrow night we learn the identities of the final 2 Oceanic 6 and it’s pretty obvious it will be Sun and Jin. Think about it — what do Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun, and Jin all have in common? None of them were on the beach when the Hatch exploded at the end of season 2. Jack, Kate, and Hurley were prisoners of the Others and Sayid, Sun, and Jin were sailing around the island and looking at the big ass 4-toed statues. On other fronts, the whole “Juliet is Ben’s because she looks like her” thing seems pretty obvious to me — Juliet is a ringer for Annie, the childhood friend who carved him those figures in the Ben-centric last year. And now we know for sure that Penny’s dad is the one who sent the freighter (most likely after figuring the location of the island from the journal of the Black Rock crew member he bid on at auction). If you’ve stuck with the show this long, you’re starting to get the payoffs the producers promised and it’s been worth the wait. I do however, have to say that Ben’s man on the freighter is going to be HUGELY anti-climactic when it’s revealed to be Michael (seriously, if you want to surprise us, don’t list Harold Perrineau in the opening credits every fucking week since the premiere and then expect big gasps when he appears).

~ Is it wrong to think Elliot Spitzer is kind of hot in a sleazy “spank me, smack me, use me like a 3 dollar whore” sort of way? ‘Cause I kind of think he is…

~ Yesterday’s voting leaves me a tad bit unclear as to how the majority of my readership feels. Of course, I sifted through what was said and what was really meant and I discerned that many of you felt going to his house would be an unwise choice. Which I communicated to him via phone just a short while ago. He, however, disagrees and would like the time to change my mind via phone this evening. I shall update you nervous Nellies tomorrow. Or Friday. Monday at the latest.

That’s all I got today, kids. Take care and stay safe!