The adorable and oh-so-kinky Mr. Stephen Rader has tagged me for “The Smut Meme” created by Isabella Snow. The rules are pretty simple: Link to Ms. Snow (done), link to the individual tagging you (done), and then tag two others.

While I know none of my answers will top Mr. Rader’s (hee-hee…I said top Mr. Rader) nor will I be providing photographic evidence of my exploits like him (and yes, Ed, such photos DO exist), let’s give it go shall we?

1. Chocolate or Whipped Cream? I’ve never had a really good experience involving food and sex (allow me to take a moment to once more urge all of you to NEVER wrap fruit roll-ups around your boyfriend’s cock), but I will say it’s hard to go wrong with whipped cream.

2. Leather or PVC? Leather all the way, baby!

3. Outdoor Sex or Indoor Sex? Let’s face it, they both have their time and place. And their appeal.

4. In the Jacuzzi or In Bed? If we’re talking bondage, definitely the bed (water and leather don’t mix). Otherwise, I love getting busy in the jacuzzi. And the pool. And the shower.

5. Bad Sex or No Sex? Since I am currently in the midst of the latter, I’ll have to go with the former. Unless by bad, you mean dirty ass and poor oral hygiene — in which case, I’m gonna have to pass.

6. Dominate or Be Dominated? I’ve done both, but prefer to be dominated.

7. Thigh highs or Bodystocking? Cross dressing? No thanks — I’ll pass. The closest I’ve come to a body stocking was the time I was wrapped in industrial plastic wrap…

8. Fast or Slow? Slow if we’re making love, like a locomotive if we’re just going for hot, sweaty animal sex.

9. Rough or Gentle? I like it all — surprise me. Better yet, just give me a hot, sweaty couple of hours of both.

10. Bite or Suck? Well, it all depends were those actions are taking place. Suffice it say I’m a huge fan of both all over — especially in the nippular region — and I give as good as I receive. (Yep, I love to bite…)

11. Role play or Reality? Why can’t I have it all? Reality has its place, but so does “Escaped Convict and the Warden’s Son.”

12. Dirty Talking or Dirty Talking To? Depending on what we’re doing, I enjoy both — though I will admit it’s harder to talk dirty with a mouthful of cock.

13. Edible panties or No Panties? I have gone the edible underwear route once and let me tell you it isn’t pretty. Or tasty. Besides, why keep your junk covered with extra layers when we both know its not doing to stay that way for long?

14. Spanking paddle or Bare-handed? I’d have to give the edge to the paddle. Drill a few holes in it for extra pleasure…and don’t forget the flogger!

15. Landing Strip or Kojak? I honestly am not sure what this is referring to (although methinks it is in reference to a shave job on a hoo-hoo chute — UGH), but I will say that while I loves me a furry man, I also think bald is beautiful…unless it’s in reference to his junk. Yeah, I’m a fickle bitch.

16. Multiple Sessions or One Good Fuck? Since I am currently in a sexual desert, I would find either to be an oasis. That said, I prefer mulitple sessions — especially if I am being edged.

17. Moaning or Screaming? Yes, I do…sometimes to the point where I’ve had underwear shoved in my mouth.

18. Older Men or Young Men? I gotta say I prefer the older guys — they know what they want and are less likely to play games. Plus, there’s something about a Daddy…

19. Threeway or No Way? I’m a one man man and if we got all of the above going on, why do we need anyone else?

20. Swing or No Swinging? See previous answer.

And now for the tagging…which I have never done before. Soooooooo, I’m going to tag Kyle over at atomicpop! and cb at The Mangina Monologues. C’mon guys — show us how they like it in Minnesota.