Okay…so the Bruce thing from last fall.

Lappy was still having some issues with playing DVDs and cd’s and a couple of other things last fall, and Bruce was going to be in town, and blah blah blah…long story short he said he’d take a look for a little bondage session at his hotel.

Free computer overhaul for bondage…does anybody here think I was going to turn down that deal? If so, the exit is on your left.

The boundaries on this session were a little more, how shall we say, “vague” and since I’d done this before, I wasn’t all that worried. In addition to the bondage, Bruce’s criteria this time were no shirt and a collar…and a couple of other things to be announced. Whatever, I tell him — but no sex, same as always.

Okay, so I meet Bruce at his hotel at 5 and while he works on Lappy, I go to Borders and Best Buy with the proviso that when he’s finished, he calls me and I come back for “payment.”

Insert me browsing books and DVDs here.

About 7pm, Bruce calls and I go back to the hotel. Bruce meets me at the door and tells me to take off my shirt the second I step in. A deal’s a deal so I do. He pushes me face first into the wall and cuffs me, then puts a collar on me. No big. Not the first time I’ve been down that road.

He leads me over to the bed and shoves me down on my stomach. I feel him cuffing my ankles. Then I feel him on top of me and seconds later he is forcing a ball-gag into my mouth. Okaaaaaaay…I start to see where this could go really wrong, but again, we have the no sex rule so I’m not too worried. He flips me over and positions me on my side, head on the pillows, then lays down beside me, looking into my eyes.

This makes me more uncomfortable than anything, but I’m cool.

After a few minutes, Bruce reaches down and unsnaps my shorts. “I’m going to take these off,” he says, a vague question mark hanging at the end of his words.

I just stare at him. What — I’m going to argue with a huge rubber ball buckled in my mouth?

He pulls my shorts and underwear down to my ankles, unsnaps the carabiner connecting the leather cuffs, removes the shorts, then reconnects the cuffs.

Insert lots of really boring staring and tracing patterns on my arm and chest shit here. Shit so boring I dozed off a couple of times…at least.

Then around 8:30, he decides he’s starving so he orders calzone and soda from a local pizza parlor. More stare-y shit. Dinner arrives…he takes the ball-gag out to give me a break…he eats — rather messily I might add…belches…goes to bathroom and pisses…comes back and makes me suck his balls.

May I just say that prior to that night I had never had a shaved set in my mouth and I can say with dead certainty I never will again. They were all bumpy like chicken skin, plus they smelled like he’d splashed a lil Nautica on the 3 piece set to cut the musty.

Fucking. Nasty.

So the tea bagging was followed by more of the starey shit…the return of the ball-gag…straddle my chest and look down at me…blah blah blah. At some point in this rather dull repertoire, I just fell asleep. (I mean seriously, show the nips some love or something — the whole “I-gots-me-a-prisoner” shit wears thin realllllllly quick, dude.) I woke up around 4am to find myself still cuffed and being spooned. A couple of sharp kicks later, Brucie boy was awake and reluctantly releasing me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know — I’m pressing my luck with this guy. Maybe it’s naivete, but in all honesty I can’t really see myself getting all LAW AND ORDER: SVU-ed by him. Anyhoo, the reason I’m finally getting around to posting this because I’m having some issues getting online and after uninstalling and reinstalling Juno 3 times in 2 days, it looks like I may have to resort to tricking for Bruce again.

Which seems infinitely preferable to the dinner date I seem to have found myself wrangled into for Thursday night…