Hello, I’m Dirk Mancuso and these are the headlines at this hour:

~ “My” dog is a murderer. When he failed to heed my calls to get in the house yesterday morning, I was forced to trek around the back of the garage and found myself privy to a scene of canine grand guignol: Tucker’s face smeared in blood and a fur covered something dangling from his mouth. Turns out Tucker went all fucking Cujo on a rabbit, killing the poor little thing. Disgusted? Repulsed? Pissed? You have no idea. I know it will pass in a week or so, but as of this writing I find myself unable to look at or pet him. I simply have no tolerance for killing — and I don’t care that he’s “just a dog, and a fucking puppy at that” as Mama M shrieked at me when I wouldn’t have anything to do with Old Yeller. I guess I’m just a pansy pacifist but I refuse to give him a walk because he doesn’t know any better.

~ Movie one sheet arouses semi-interest in gay blogger. I know I am in the minority in regards to BATMAN BEGINS (most everyone I know thinks it was brilliant, but I fell asleep…all 3 times I tried to watch it. Sorry, Stephen), so while I find the poster for the upcoming THE DARK KNIGHT to be amazing, I have little hope that with the same creative team involved it will be any better than their first effort (“and then we’ll show how he came up with the bat mobile and the bat belt and the bat mask and the bat tivo…”). At least Maggie Gyllenhall is replacing Katatonic Holmes as Asst. D.A. Rachel Dawes.

~ “I just wanted to know what everyone was talking about,” explains horrified faggot. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I just had to see what all the “2 Girls, 1 Cup” fuss was about. (And if you haven’t a clue what I’m referring to, please be advised NOT to google it anywhere near your place of employment. Or on a full stomach…)

~ Inclement weather puts kibosh on highly anticapted date — hard-on enters Day 7. And yes, I am fully aware that many of you are dying to know if I partook of the knob gobbling (or got my own polished), but a winter weather alert had Coffee Guy texting me with the suggestion we reschedule until Friday night when a cold but clear forecast was in the cards and I wouldn’t have to rush off due to road conditions and work the next day. Ever the resourceful fella, I spent most of the evening coming up with witty but subtle double entendres that would give him a window to respond in kind if he was up for a little somethin’ somethin’. Yeah, I’m pathetic.

More on these stories as they develop…