The writer’s block is still with me, so I’m just going to throw out some more shit and see what sticks. Here goes…
~ Tonight’s date with Coffee Guy has been postponed until tomorrow night as he has a work function tonight that he forgot about. No worries — I now have an additional 24 hours to fucking stress over the “should I or shouldn’t I hold his hand/kiss him/suck his dick?” dilemma. At this point, I am honestly horned up enough to skip the hand holding, give him a quick peck, then drop to my knees and unzip him with my teeth before swallowing his cock.
~ My doctor has a terrific sense of humor which I am guessing goes unappreciated by some of his patients (re: parents who subscribe to that whole stupid fucking “it takes a village” piece of shit philosophy). Witness:
~ BIG BROTHER is accepting applications and I am busy filling mine out. Some of the questions are so goddamn weird, I (once again) have no clue how to answer them. Describe your perfect day. Huh? Who is your hero? Say again. And then that whole “Why would you make the ultimate house-guest?” thing. Um, because I’m Dirk fucking Mancuso, that’s why. Somehow, that doesn’t seem like a proper response…
~ coughcough talked to Michael on Saturday coughcough
~ Randy had a meeting yesterday during which he announced some changes being made (i.e. 3/4 of his immediate managerial staff is being sent to other branches and their replacements are a bunch of glassy eyed mouth breathers — or 6 of one, half dozen of the other). It was your standard “change is good” meeting up until the moment when he totally lost it and started crying. That’s right — crying. Everyone just stood there, unable to look away as gigantic dinner plate sized tears fell and through hitched breath he told everyone how much he appreciated all the hard work we do on a daily basis. While some walked away feeling sorry for him, I merely felt shame that he was unable to control himself better. That kind of display has no place at work. Sorry, but that’s how I feel.
~ Do you ever feel like just giving everything away and starting over? Or just not having anything at all? That’s where I’m at right now.
That’s all I got — Dirk Mancuso, over and out.
umm–back up a second. Michael? and yet you still have “nothing” to talk about?
By: Lurker Girl on Wednesday, December 5, 2007
at 2:24 pm
Giving everything away? Starting over? Yep. I’ve felt it every day for the past year! I know just how you feel. As long as I could keep my drums and some of the really good CDs…
When you talked to Michael, hopefully you told him you’re seeing a nice new guy now and asked where he wants the key sent back to. If not, I’m going to find out where he buys his Kool-Aid and roofies, because I want some…
By: Aaron on Wednesday, December 5, 2007
at 2:29 pm
By the way, I love the sign at your doc’s–I’ve seen that exact sign before somewhere else!
By: Aaron on Wednesday, December 5, 2007
at 2:30 pm
Oh Please not Michael! I think CG is coming along just in time. Michael doesn’t want you to be happy don’t stand up CG for Michael.
And why were we seing the doctor?
When Randy goes you are the only one for the job. You were not a part of his crash and burn team and can restore the Department to it’s former level of quality.
Describe your perfect day: Make up a story as only you can with humor and pathos andcutting satire with sarcasm out the wazoo.
Who is your Hero? Make up a story aboput a fireman saving a child from a burning building then going back to get a kitten.
Why would you make the Ultimate house Guest? Because you love to hear gossip and will stir up trouble and make secret alliances with everybody. Tell them you want to be America’s player this time.
By: Ed on Wednesday, December 5, 2007
at 2:33 pm
For someone with squat to say, you have put a lot up here to comment on.
1) I think I missed something. Who is Michael?
2) Coffee Guy… And I was so looking forward to hearing about tonight’s date. Guess I’ll have to wait another day. So how do ya’ think he’d react/respond to your proposed course of action? Reckon he’s “horned up” too?
3) “Because I’m Dirk fucking Mancuso” sounds like the perfect answer to that question.
4) Randy… is this the same guy who was insulting the bosses during a conference call without using the “mute” button? And he’s crying? Maybe he’s crying out for help. Like “help me, I’m in over my head.” Maybe he’s struggling to accept his sexual orientation. Maybe he’s an alcoholic or a drug addict. Maybe he’s a moron. Who knows?
5) Starting over- Yup. Chuck all this shit and start with a clean slate. I have fantasies about doing that. Sometimes I almost (almost) wish the house would catch fire (with no one in it, of course) and just burn all this shit to the ground. But then I think of how big a mess it would be to recover from that, and I decide maybe that’s not the best way to go.
Happy Hump Day, Dirk!
By: Java on Wednesday, December 5, 2007
at 2:41 pm
Give ‘fun’ answers to BB’s questions! Stuff like you love to gossip, and you love to be in the middle of drama, and your hero was Tammy Faye Baker because she was a beauty queen (may she rest in peace)!
As for work, to shed a little light on how my work day is going, I’ve carted two boxes of personal stuff to my car because I may go Jack Nicholson (in “The Shining”) very soon!
By: catrina on Wednesday, December 5, 2007
at 3:26 pm
I so love that sign from your doc’s office! Thanks for the chuckle!
By: Steven on Wednesday, December 5, 2007
at 3:52 pm
That duh, duh stupid ass commercial is in my head after reading. Like duh,duh, elaborate on 4/5 and you almost have a weeks worth of posts
By: Dennis on Wednesday, December 5, 2007
at 4:55 pm
We have the puppies and espresso sign in our main office at work. Sure, it take a village to raise a child, some of the villagers just happen to have extra puppies and espresso to contribute.
You have way more to say when there’s nothing going on I ever have. When I have nothing going on, I just end up not writing a post.
By: Kathryn on Wednesday, December 5, 2007
at 8:33 pm
MICHAEL????????????????????????????? Uh, dish dearie! (And I love the doc office sign…!)
By: Professor on Thursday, December 6, 2007
at 12:09 pm
What? You’re gonna drop a bomb like ‘I talked to Michael the other day’ with no follow-up?
Sorry the date with CG had to be postponed. I was really looking forward to reading about it today!
The sign in the doctor’s office reminds me of the one I used to have in my cubicle when I hated my job: “Beatings will continue until morale improves.”
Mark
By: Mark on Thursday, December 6, 2007
at 6:54 pm