Whilst walking my boy, Tucker — and he is rapidly becoming MY boy as his preference for me over Mama M has become undeniable — I was privy to one of the most awe-inspiring calls of nature ever witnessed. And thanks to the magic of the cell phone, you can experience it, too.

After a nearly 30 minute walk this morning, I noticed a slight tensing in Tucker’s hindquarters. Time to pinch a stink pickle. No big…we all have to park our breakfast.

But today was different. Today is was as though Tucker’s sphincter was powered by NASA. One second, the lil fella was crouching and the next…colon bowlin’ of epic proportions literally shot out as though jet propelled. Witness:

Pay special attention to what is fast becoming his signature — the cairn terrier noose opener. It doesn’t double up after expulsion, folks…it pops out like that:

Now lest you think this is mere exaggeration on my part, allow me to provide visual evidence as to the size of the shit rocket my extraordinary pupper expelled in under 7 seconds:

Admit it, people — for a 12 pound dog, the little fucker can release some serious chocolate hostages.