Whilst perusing a category for yesterday’s post, I noticed one that I had forgotten about: “Dirk Mancuso Fun Facts Series – 2007 Edition.” Seeing as how it is now September and I posted the first — and only fucking entry — in this eagerly anticipated follow up to the smash hit 2006 Edition, I decided it was time to get my big gay ass in gear and finish the bitch up. So for your semi-orgasmic pleasure, I now present the second in this much lauded and revered series…
10 MORE THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT DIRK MANCUSO
(or Maybe You Did…)
1. I cannot eat white bread. I chew it and chew it until it is a thick wad but I cannot bring myself to swallow it. I always end up spitting it out.
2. I’ve been flogged. More than once.
3. I have had an x-ray, a CAT scan, a PET scan, and an MRI.
4. I don’t like potato chips by and large, but when I do eat some, I always pick out the ones that are doubled over.
5. My nipples are hard wired to my cock.
6. I detest songs that are named after people. Sarah MacLAchlan’s “Adia” is completely ruined for me because it about one particular person. For me, great songs are generic in the sense that they could apply to anyone — once they have a name, they are too specific.
7. I have never had a Snickers bar.
8. I do not have an electric garage door opener because I am afraid it will be installed improperly and start a fire.
9. I like pink lemonade, but not yellow.
10. I once slept with my boyfriend’s cock in my mouth all night because he had a fantasy of a guy nursing on him while he slept. I do not recommend this. My jaw ached like a mother fucker for a day.
Fascinating? Fabulous? Full-blown faggotry at its not so finest with a scandalous hint of OCD? That’s for you to decide. Discuss amongst yourselves…
#4 and #5 – evidence that we are twins by different mothers.
I will also state for the record that #2 and #10, when I read them, certainly got my – *ahem* – “attention”. They will also feed my fantasies for days.
By: Lemuel on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 6:37 am
Why would a boy like Pink Lemonade unless he was Gay? I like it too. I’ve never had a Snickers bar or any bar with Peanuts or Peanut Butter. Number 10. You will do anything to please your guy. I’m sure he smiled for days.
By: Ed on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 6:47 am
Oh you MUST try a Snickers bar–all the nutty goodness–yummmmmm..
By: Lurker Girl on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 8:19 am
1) White bread is gross. 3) No ultrasound? 4) So you like to be bent over, not your chips…
the wiring in garage door openers is almost all low current. 10) I’d be way too scared of a bad dream happening and jaws getting clamped down…
By: Robguy on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 8:27 am
I hear those whose cocks are hardwired to their nipples find endless pleasure with nipple piercings. I know you hate needles though.
By: tornwordo on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 8:28 am
I lurve Kettle Chips, by the bagful.
And Snickers is my favorite candy bar, you need to try one.
By: The Persian on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 10:54 am
I’m intrigued by #2; did you enjoy it or was it a turn off?
As for #10, isn’t it funny how sometimes the hottest fantasies turn out to fizzle in reality? lol! Although your partner probably enjoyed it more, heh.
By: Amber on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 11:01 am
Never a Snickers bar? Oh my god. You’re really missing something.
By: Debbie on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 11:35 am
I’m not going to mention the possibility of ANY similarities to #1 and any other activity of a similar nature, if you get my drift…
By: tigeryogi on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 11:46 am
If you decide to eat a Snickers, may I recommend you put it in the freezer first? Yum.
By: randi on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 11:57 am
MMM or buy a snickers ice cream bar- or don’t…because they are highly addictive.
By: Weekends Off on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 1:06 pm
ummmm… wow, tmi, but in a good way. LOL #10 made my jaw hurt just thinking about it.
By: Chris on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 1:20 pm
Did your x-ray, a CAT scan, a PET scan, and an MRI have anything to do with your seven rocking horses?
By: Sarah on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 1:57 pm
How ’bout the 11th thing I don’t know about you? Who are you rooting for on Big Brother tonight? I know Dick has been nasty to people, but I’ve seen him on the live feeds, and it’s all been a ploy to get to the Final Two. Unfortunately, his whiny-baby offspring got there, too. I guess you can figure out who I want to win the half a mil tonight! I LOVE DICK!
By: catrina on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 2:27 pm
and my “friends” think I’m a sick puppy!
By: homersexual on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 3:03 pm
About #5: I wish this were true for me.
About #10: Wow, you are a really generous person!
I have been enjoying your blog for a few weeks now. I like your style.
Mark
By: Mark on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 3:07 pm
You’re asleep for fuck sake. You can’t feel a thing. Now falling asleep with your cock up someone’s ass or, better yet, waking him up with one in his ass. Good times.
By: gaycanuckinthecapital on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 3:33 pm
You’re asleep for fuck sake. You can’t feel a thing. Now falling asleep with your cock up someone’s ass or, better yet, waking him up with one in his ass. Good times.
By: gaycanuckinthecapital on Tuesday, September 18, 2007
at 3:33 pm
Oh….I could do #10 with no trouble at all.
By: deldell on Wednesday, September 19, 2007
at 1:39 am
#5 is always the fact that makes every other fact seem largely irrelevant.
By: TED on Thursday, September 20, 2007
at 3:35 pm
Go have a Snickers bar… please.
By: Professor on Sunday, October 7, 2007
at 4:04 pm