With an audit on Friday, the office is abuzz with people scrambling to make right what they have been neglecting for months, and as a result tensions are high. My boss told me this morning that a form I had been using was incorrect and that I would need to correct this (which would mean redoing about 150 pages). When I informed him that it was the correct form, he had the fucking audacity to snap on my ass — in front of other people.

Oh no, he di’INT.

Not 10 minutes later, tall, dark, and Brylcreemed came slinking back and informed me that it seemed as though he was the one who had been mistaken and that, in fact, I was correct.

No shit. I’ve only been doing my job nearly half my fucking life.

At any rate, the absolute stench of panic in the air has left me unable to compose anything of any value today, so I am going back to the well that has served me so well time and time again. That’s right, kids, it’s time for another installment of in the seemingly never ending “Dirk Mancuso Fun Facts Series – 2007 Edition.”

10 Things You Never Knew About Dirk Mancuso
(or maybe you did)

1. My cats Truman and Josie were named for characters on the television series, TWIN PEAKS.

2. The first car I ever owned was a Pontiac Grand Am. It was gray.

3. When I was 8, I tied the feet of my mother’s pantyhose together while she was asleep on the sofa and then woke her up, saying my grandmother was on the phone and sounded upset. My mother jumped up and promptly landed on her face. I laughed my ass off. As my punishment, I had to untie the hose and for every hole I put in them, it was one week’s restriction. I untied them without a single hole.

4. I ate jello for lunch every day for 2 years.

5. The only fruit I will eat in jello are mandarin oranges. And they must be in orange jello.

6. I was best man in my best friend’s wedding.

7. I do not own an iPod, nor do I know how to download music from the internet.

8. I bought a belt for the first time this past December.

9. I have not eaten red meat since I heard about mad cow disease.

10. My grandmother loved going to the movies, but hated going alone. That is how I came to be the only kid in my class to see such epics as GODFATHER – PART 2, THE EXORCIST, and THE OMEN by the time I was 10.