…a really strange dream. (Yes, even for me — now pipe down back there!)
Before I launch into full disclosure, there are two things you need to keep in mind about me. One, I am pretty picky about who I fuck, and two, I am obsessed with fresh breath.
Okay, so in my dream I am packing a bag for Chicago and my mother comes in and hands me a pack of Listerine Citrus Burst breath strips.
“Thanks, mom,” I say, “but I already have some.”
“No,” she replies in a flat voice, “you need to use these.”
Then the dream jumps ahead and I’m at a bar having a drink. A cute guy comes up. I pull out the pack to pop a strip only to discover my mother has replaced the strips with razor blades.
WTF?
The next thing I know I am laying in bed and I feel a hand over my mouth. I turn my head and see this guy. He’s about 350 pounds with like 3 bristly black hairs on each shoulder and moles all over his body. Not brown moles, but the loose, hangy kind. Since he’s way bigger than me and his hand is over my mouth, I shrug a reluctant acquiescence. Just as he rolls on top of me and is about to get busy, I wake up.
Okay…what does it all mean?
Even my superior powers of interpretation can’t figure that one out. Still, I will try my best:
-I can tell you that it’s not good to eat razor blades
-Hangy downy moles=YUCK!
-You would rather wake up to a shitty day of real life than get it on with a fatty.
This last bit is actually positive! You’re not into nasty guys even when you’re asleep.
By: Summer on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 4:19 am
OMG! It commented in WordPress and I haven’t even announced my departure from Blogger. I wonder how I did that. Well, the cats out of the bag.
By: Summer on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 4:21 am
Ohh….scary…and nasty…
By: Me on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 9:29 am
Maybe your planning a trip to the windy city and the razor blades are warning of hidden dangers. Maybe the guy your to meet is ugly on the inside just as the big mole covered guy is ugly on the outside. Maybe you really don’t want to do it but feel that you must go along. Maybe I don’t have a clue and a dream really is just a dream. LOL.
By: Ed on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 9:35 am
It means you’re going to come into a lot of money.
[LOL! I don't have a clue, but I figure this interpretation is as good as any other one you might get.]
By: Lemuel on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 12:08 pm
It means you need to get laid!! Or maybe that’s just me.
By: suzy on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 12:20 pm
Ok: I have this book that my new-agey mother gave me years ago called 999 Dreams Interpreted. According to the book:
-dreaming about your mother means that you are seeking to turn back to your old family ties for emotional security
-dreaming about travelling: if it’s a short trip, it reflects the fact that you are nervy and irritable. A long trip indicates you can expect to make a new and interesting friend in the near future. Travelling for business means you will find a favorable solution to a porblem, while travelling for pleasure means you will soon take a well-deserved rest.
-dreaming about a new razor reflects inner calm and contentment; broken blades show hidden pain, and blunt blades indicate confusion or unhappiness
-dreaming about an ugly man denotes your uncertainty in emotional matters (I’m assuming that you would consider a 350 lb man covered in moles to be unattractive)
Now, put all that together and tell us what the hell it all means, lol
)
By: Mad Queen Bess on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 12:58 pm
Based on my horoscope for today I think you had the dream I was supposed to have had…
“Ignore disturbing images in your dreams. They’re just silly subconscious surrealism.”
If that’s the case – Thanks Dirk I owe you one.
By: Mike on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 1:00 pm
Scary. You need therapy.
By: eric on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 1:06 pm
It means that I need to slip TWO rufees into your drink next time…you weren’t supposed to wake up and see me until I was finished! And those aren’t moles, they’re special mud packs. A girl’s gotta moisturize, ya know!
By: Aaron on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 1:38 pm
I stop by from time to time to see if you are still frozen in your perpetual 4th grade sophomoric humor. I see some things never change. Maybe you’d find a man if they did. Something to think about.
By: Alan on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 1:49 pm
Dirk buddy, stop eating those “Keebler elf” double chocolate stuff cookies before bed. That’s how I stopped having the EXACT same dreams except it wasn’t your mom in my dream it was my mom, wait not in your dream but in mine, never mind you know what i mean……
By: byobeh on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 2:22 pm
And yet, Alan, you keep stopping by. Just what is it you’re looking for?
By: Aaron on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 2:25 pm
It means the roofie I slipped you didn’t make you forget the event entirely … crap.
By: Kevin on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 2:30 pm
(Crap. Aaron beat me to the joke. Waaaahhhh!)
By: Kevin on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 2:32 pm
This is gonna be long…
Firstly, I’d rather jump off a bridge than stop my sophmoric ways, Alan.
As to your dream, Dirk, to me it’s in essence about ‘food’ (the razor blades) your mother, sex, and sleep.
According to the Dreamer’s Dictionary, a great book, BTW, the mother symbolizes the dreamer’s inner authority and divinity, food represents knowledge, so in this case, because it’s razors, and dangerous, could it be about someone who, (possibly a gay man, because you were in a gay bar) deep down in your soul, you know you can’t trust?
And sex represents creation, and sleep means a loss of conscious awareness in your everyday life. That could mean, maybe, the part of your life you’re not wanting to look at is trying to get your attention.
Scary!
By: BC on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 2:46 pm
Alan: What’s that old saying? You can’t please all the people all of the time? No, that’s not it… Oh yeah, I remember: Fuck off. (And if losing my 4th grade “edge” means I could land a man as sophisticated and pompous as you, then I’ll happily remain single forever.)
By: dirkmancuso on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 3:38 pm
Oh, Dirk, that’s why I love you–your 4th grade “edge.”
Well, that and our common Dawson’s Creek lust. LOL.
By: Me on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 3:43 pm
I second comment #4. As if it matters.
By: randi on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 3:48 pm
Are you reading Naked Lunch? When I was reading it, I was having the most grotesque dreams. I never finished the book but I stopped dreaming about bbq chicken made with…sorry, I have to rush to my happy place.
By: Sarah on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 4:08 pm
I don’t know what that dream means but I’d be pretty creeped out if I were you.
Lela
By: Lela on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 4:29 pm
The dream means that I want to be your hag, baby!
By: jali on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 4:36 pm
I can’t get past those loose, hangy moles.
That’s the most vivid description I’ve read in a very, very long time. (from one fellow Gemini to another!)
By: cameron5307 on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 5:22 pm
Please promise me you’ll never change from your 4th grade sophomoric humor, Dirk. Your slant on life is so refreshing. Alan, first grade babies, second and third grade tots, 4th grade Angels, 5th grade snots, 6th grade peaches, 7th grade plums, all the rest are dirty bums.
By: Ed on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 8:15 pm
scarey! yucky! and all those other “y” words that mean scarey!
By: Professor on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 8:44 pm
It means you should stop eating a quart of ice cream smothered in anchovies right before you go to bed, that’s what it means.
By: Trout on Thursday, February 15, 2007
at 10:07 pm
Could this dream be at all related to your phone call from Greg? Your mother is warning you that someone ugly (outer ugliness is inner ugliness showing through) is going to slice up your heart if you acquiese? Our dreams tell our conscious minds what our unconscious already knows………BTW, your mother is actually your inner wise woman and not your literal mother.
By: Nanette on Friday, February 16, 2007
at 1:20 am
The razor blades represent your propencity to put yoourself in situations where you get hurt. It shows in the form of the breath strips, because You tell yourself, at the time, that you NEED it. And even though you know its gonna hurt going down, you swallow it because deep down inside you don’t believe you deserve good breath.
Ok – I am full of shit.
BUT I hope you connect this dream to a decision you are planning to make, and hopefully have not made. And I hope you decide that THAT FUCKER doesn’t deserve your time or attention.
I HOPE YOU DON’T GO!!!!
Unless you are only going to give him a “special” package of breath strips.
By: Suzanne on Friday, February 16, 2007
at 1:29 am
I saw “packing a bag for Chicago” and got all excited. Coffee with Dirk! But it was only a dream . . .
By: Dr. Sparky on Friday, February 16, 2007
at 4:21 am
I think since the razors were in the breath strip container, your mother was sort of arming you with a “razor sharp wit” or a sharp tongue with which to handle precarious situations. Since your mouth was dispatched first (the hand placed over it), you were unable to use your “gift” to defend yourself.
In essence, I think the dream is saying “speak up or you will find yourself in a bad situation.” The fact it was your mother that gave you the blades may represent your perception of your mother being willing to always speak her mind.
Now interpret MY dream!
By: josh on Friday, February 16, 2007
at 10:25 pm