While it wasn’t exactly the Middle East Peace Accords, Bruce and I have finally reached an equitable agreement.In exchange for his work on Lappy, Bruce will receive a compensatory 4 hour scene involving no intimate contact whatsoever. (The 4 hour concession is contingent on a deal codicil stating he will install any cartoon/animation software of my choosing at a later date; the latter part was a matter of mutual agreement from the get-go — um, hello? Celebration of Celibacy…ring a bell anyone?)

Yeah, yeah, I know — “blah blah bitty bitty blah blah…cut to the chase, Dirk. We want details.”

So in the interest of sating your prurient interests, here’s the deal: I will show up at a hotel of Bruce’s choosing at an agreed upon time at some point during the next two weeks. After entering the room, I will strip, place my neatly folded clothes on the bed, then take a shower. Once dried off, Bruce will tie me spread eagle to the bed, take my clothes…and go out for a sit down dinner.

Yep, you read that last part right, gang. He’s going to go out for a fancy dinner lasting at least 2 hours. Maybe 2 and 1/2 depending on service and the entree ordered. And all I have to do is take a nap.

At the conclusion of his culinary excursion, Bruce will procure a dessert of some sort — either a lovely mousse or cake from the same restaurant or perhaps a pint of Ben and Jerry’s from the local Jewel — and return to the room where he will enjoy the rich whatever-y goodness of said dessert while watching Letterman.

As the World Wide Pants Logo fills the screen, marking the end of Dave’s show for the night, I will be released and my clothes returned.

Quid.

Pro.

Quo.

Comments? Questions? Concerns? If last time is any indication, I know at the very least that someone is going to want to send me some scripture , so let the “you dumbass nancy boy”s begin.