So it’s come to this, has it?

A total lack of originality has led me back to one of the many crutches I employed early on in my blogging career: “The 101 Things” list. I’m not proud, I’m not going to try and defend my actions, I’m not going to try and sell it as “the lists you love, with a fresh 2007 sensibility!”

Nope.

I’m just gonna tell you this is the first in a new series of mundane tidbits about yours truly and let the eye rolling and yawning begin. All I ask is that you are discreet — even hacks have feelings.

Cue drumroll…

10 Things You Never Knew About Dirk Mancuso

(or maybe you did)

2007 Edition

1. I have a morbid fear of sweet potatoes, not because of Old Boy’s too often exposed uncut tallywacker but because of a heretofore unrevealed horrific family trip when I was 9.

2. Steve Irwin’s daughter scares the bejeezus out of me.

3. I am trying to find software that will allow me to produce an online cartoon strip. The hard part is finding one that a fucktard like myself can use.

4. I graduated high school mid-term my senior year. It was decided by all involved that my lack of obedience involving public showers made this a good choice for everyone.

5. I have every episode of KNOTS LANDING saved on VHS. 10 episodes per tape, with all the previews for the next week and end credits included and the commercials edited out. I am very anal that way. Now I need to figure out how to put them on DVD.

6. I was convinced I was adopted most of my adolescent life. Then I saw a picture of my great grandmother. Sweet baby Jesus — this nose is a family heirloom. By the way, have I ever mentioned that I hate familial hand me downs?

7. Sometimes owning things is just too overwhelming for me and I feel the need to get rid of everything to alleviate the pressure.

8. When I was a kid, I used to change every stitch of clothing after I used the bathroom. Even if I only peed. This lasted until I was 8.

9. I love having my head touched so much that getting my hair cut is damn near an orgasmic experience. Well, except for the part where a woman cuts my hair. And the part where she talks the whole time, making it impossible to fantasize that it is John Stamos behind the clippers. But other than that, I nearly make happy in my pants every time.

10. I have become obsessed with the lip moisturizing goodness of Aquafina Hydrating Lip Oil with Calming Natural Botanicals and apply it every half hour or so. It has gotten to the point where my mother has told me to stop, as my mouth looks like “a big ol’ greasy chicken’s ass.”