Howdy, everybody! Your ol’ Unca Dirk has a little something for everybody this week: laughs, romance, and office politics. Let’s get started, shall we?

First up, BENCHWARMERS. Okay, I’ll admit it: I only rented this because it had NAPOLEON DYNAMITE star John Heder in it and I think he is so adorable. Yeah, I rent shit for reasons like that — what about it? Anyway, this one is about three men (Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Heder) who have been bullied all their lives and decide to stick up for the underdogs by sticking it to the adolescent jocks by beating them in a baseball tournament. By no means worth owning, it is still a pleasant 90 minutes of harmless fun, mostly because of Heder and Nick Swardson as Howie (you may know Swardson as Terry, the roller skating gay hustler on Reno 911). Lots of crude bodily function humor and sexual innuendo so those of you with kids you may not approve (see? I’m using my blog to provide a service here as part of that “it takes a fucking village” thing). Favorite line: “Haha! That’s funny I didn’t know ath-e-letes had three syllables… thats ama-za-zing.”

Next, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE starring Keira Knightly, Matthew MacFadyen Yet another Jane Austen adaptation. This one was loaned to me by a co-worker and I must admit I was less than thrilled with the notion of having to watch something I would be asked about later. Too much like homework. The first time I turned it on, I promptly fell asleep. The second time, I wandered off to practice immitating Keira Knightly’s underbite and affected speech in the mirror and ended up missing a half hour of so. The third time, however, proved to be the charm. Yes, I know the BBC with Colin Firth is considered to be THE definitive version but I’ve never thought he was all that sexy of a Darcy (I know…BLASPHEMY!), however I actually preferred this version — and MacFadyen’s Darcy. Sexy bloke that MacFadyen. Bangs did a crackerjack job of covering up Knightly’s rather sizeable forehead but the frightening underbite was in full show. Yet, I did get swept up in the love story and managed to move past her jawline for most of the film. As always, I would prefer to see Elizabeth and Darcy madly in love but tragically seperated forever by his marriage to Lady Catherine’s daughter, but I suppose there is an audience for that unbelievable happily ever after shit. (And yes, I know that would be altering the book’s original ending, but since the film-makers had already taken some liberties, why not take one more and create a heart-breaking realistic romance?)

Finally, an actual film review: THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA starring Anne Hathaway as a naive midwestern girl who moves to the big city and lands a job at leading fashion magazine as an assistant to the world’s worst boss, Miranda “yes, move at a glacial pace…you know how that thrills me” Priestly, played by Meryl Streep. I had read the book and thought it was a trifle padded with a bit too much about Lauren Weisberger’s (boring) personal life, so I figured the film would focus on the horrors inflicted upon her by Miranda. And it did. For about the first 40 minutes. Then the film sort of meandered until it finally…just…ended. The biggest mistake, for me, was in making Hathaway’s character, Andrea, such a pitch perfect goody-goody and eliminating her passive-aggressive behavior in reaction to her treatment. Further damage was done in trying to make Miranda sympathetic. Yeah, I know Streep is a great actress — and she nails this one dead on — but that’s not what the character was about. She was literally the devil incarnate in the work place and humanizing her really undercut any investment I had in seeing Andrea triumph over her. Hathaway, as always, is a mixed bag for me. There is something so intensely likeable about her, but BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN excepted, I always feel as though it is the same performance/same character. And someone really needs to talk to her about wearing bright red lipstick that arrives onscreen about 30 seconds before she does. The girl is just too pale for that shade and she wears it in damn near everything I see her in — even in magazine pics. Hathaway is servicable in the role, but when I read the book, I had pictured Rachel McAdams or Alexis Bleidel. The real stand-out performance — besides Streep — is Emily Blunt as Emily. She steals every scene she is in. If there is any justice, look for her to be a big star. As for Stanley Tucci as Nigel…what can I say? Not only is he talented, but he is also one of the sexiest men in Hollywood. Adrian Grenier as Andrea’s boyfriend…all I got to say is damn, that man has a sexy fucking mouth and accompanying stubble. mmm-mmm-MMMMM! The one bit of miscasting was Simon Baker as Christian. Too old for the role, and um…it’s never a good idea to get highlights that make your teeth take on the hue of butter. Just sayin’. The film’s ending was also rather lacking…perhaps the film’s speech by Miranda combined with the book’s fashion show would have proven to be a more effective show stopper. All in all, I’d call it an okay time but nothing most people will remember in a week.

Well, that’s it kids. And so the countdown begins until the opening of what I think will be THE movie of the summer: SNAKES ON A PLANE. Forget capes and pirate shit…we got some muthafucking snakes on this muthafucking plane! And Juliana Margulies. Is that Oscar I smell?

Peace out, kids.